The Rosbach Family

Chef Colton

2012-02-08T20:39:00.000-07:00

Colton is a very funny kid. He loves dishes. I keep all my kids cups in a drawer because I don't want to have to get them drinks all day long. I didn't put a child lock on the drawer and it is one of Colton's favorite place to be. He loves to play with the dishes. He puts balls in them and pretends to eat out of them. I am pretty sure that his favorite color is yellow because these yellow bowls he can't live without. He threw a tantrum when I put them in the dishwasher earlier today and when I unloaded it tonight he came up and grabbed them out and ran off with them. I caught Colton preparing something tonight and had to grab my camera. Thank goodness for my IPhone.

I admit that I am feeling a bit down tonight. Even with this cuteness going on. Colton is doing well, but hasn't made any new sounds in the past few weeks. It is so much work just to get him to do things that other kids do without even thinking about it. I am constantly overwhelmed and I feel as if I am just not doing enough. I should always be doing something more. We also got some not great news at an appointment this week. We saw the eye doctor at our Neo-Natal followup. I have been concerned because sometimes it looks like Colton's eyes are a little off. And sure enough, his eyes are turning out. It the opposite of cross-eyed. He doesn't do it all the time, but we have been seeing this doctor since we left the NICU, so it has gotten worse over time. He dialated Colton's eyes and said that Colton is a little nearsighted and that is eye nerve is reflecting that Colton had a brain bleed as an infant. That doesn't necessarily mean vision loss, but it means that it is another doctor that needs to follow Colton. And if the eyes continue to turn out like they are he will need to have surgery. Yes, another surgery. My heart is a bit broken by this I have to say. After the last few years I was looking forward to a less eventful year. I especially don't want another surgery. More anaesthesia. More scars. More pain. More risk. The only thing that has kept me going is the knowledge that it isn't my plan. It is my Heavenly Father's plan. And I know that he understands all this madness and allows it all for a reason. I have to repeat this over to myself sometimes as I feel the weight of it all on my shoulders. And you know what, then it doesn't seem all that heavy anymore.

Updates

2012-01-29T15:27:00.000-07:00

I realize that I haven't posted this whole month. It has been a busy month with a lot happening in our family. Phil and I celebrated our 12th anniversary by going to the temple and a fantastic and yummy dinner. Phil had a birthday and turned 32 years old. We didn't even make him a cake because he brought one home from work. It made it really easy for me. He wanted spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Again...easy.

Winter finally came to Kaysville. Hunter, Chase, and Logan took their sleds and their friends up to the school and went sledding while me, Phil and Colton took care of the driveway and sidewalk.

We have had some exciting progress with Colton. He is babbling a lot. He is signing more and more and has even tried some new foods. And I think that he is officially saying his first word. When Colton signs "more" he always says "mor" with it. He is consistent and does it every time. It is so fun to see him making the connections and putting signs and sounds with his babbling. He also knows what "no" means and will very dramatically throw himself onto the ground when we tell him No and throw a tantrum. It is so great to see him acting like the toddler he is.

We also enjoyed having Phil's family come and visit this month and we celebrated Phil's parents 50th anniversary. It was a fun weekend having everyone together and seeing old pictures and slides from Phil's life. We are getting ready for Hunter's birthday coming up and of course, the Patriots in the Superbowl! January was a great start to the new year. It has been busy and full of work, but also full of blessings. I will do better at posting as I have been told by several family members that they enjoy it. So while I feel like my life is very boring, I will do better and try to share every boring moment!

Bad Choices

2011-12-28T23:32:00.001-07:00

I should not still be awake. After the night I had last night and the night before, I am totally exhausted. I did not have a good day today and I fully admit that it is my fault. I chose to be ornery to my kids and hold onto my exhaustion as an excuse.

Anyway, there was a good part of the day today. I decided on Tuesday that I needed to do something with my kids everyday. So I made up an envelope for each day with an activity in it. It has been something that they have looked forward to opening and has been a good thing for us to do this week. (my sister Shauni had the idea first.) Yesterday we watched a movie with popcorn, which if you know my kids was a big deal. They LOVE popcorn. Today we made goop. We have never done this before and Logan was a big reluctant to dig in and get his hands dirty, but in the end it was a good half hour or fun.

Now I am going to go to bed and hopefully not open my eyes until morning. And I am going to be a better mom tomorrow than I was today. I am grateful for second chances.

Colton got a haircut!!

2011-12-26T21:05:00.001-07:00

Well Phil won and we decided to give Colton a trim. He is one handsome baby. He has been signing more today. I even figured out that he was signing water. It is a little different than the actual sign, so it took some time to figure out that was what he was signing. It is so fun to see him progressing.

The Perfect Christmas Day

2011-12-25T23:39:00.003-07:00

I would have to agree with my kids that this was a pretty fantastic Christmas. We went a little more simple this year, so we were able to get just the few things the kids really wanted and it was so fun to see how excited they were to open their gifts. They were up every few hours during the nightbecause we were so excited. And even though we agreed on 7 am, the kids came in sooner and said they couldn't wait. Their excitement was contagious and it was a great Christmas.

Logan was into CARS 2 and Santa brought Logan Ramon's body shop where he can use water the change the color of his new cars. He loved it and we have had wet soaked towels all over the house today.

I don't think that Hunter liked the DS game that Santa brought him.

Chase got a beyblade arena and some new beyblades.

Colton got a little train that pops balls.

I am halfway through this blog and Phil just told me that he thinks that I have been doing it wrong this whole time. He wants me to put the commentary under the pictures instead of before the pictures. So this picture (ABOVE) is of Phil who got a custom built tool box by Hunter. We filled it with toy tools and a gift card to Home Depot.

(ABOVE) Phil actually surprised me this year by getting me a present that isn't a book that I have already read. (Yes, now I am just giving him a hard time.) Anyway, he bought me a very cool waffle maker that I saw in the store months ago. He had my parents store it for him. Really Logan drew my name, so he somehow convinced Logan to give it to me, but it was all Phil. And even though I am going to poke fun at him more in this post, I am grateful that he was so thoughtful.

(ABOVE) Colton decided that he wanted to sit on the box. It was very funny because as soon as I opened it and set it down, he immediately went over to it and climbed up. Here (ABOVE) he was even kicking his legs back and forth. Very cute.

Hunter really wasn't excited today. He was pretty mellow.

Colton loved his new bunny.

The boys put out carrots and cookies for Santa. Hunter wrote a note to Santa and left a space for "replies". It was very funny. So Santa had to write a nice response. The kids were so excited.

Chase tried to load up and pick up everything that he got. He put on his new jersey and bundled up. He didn't make it very far. I hope you all had a Merry Christmas. I really felt the spirit of the season today and my boys were so good. I loved going to church also and feeling the spirit and singing Christmas songs. It was a great Sunday. I hope that we can take this spirit throughout the rest of the year.

Merry Christmas to You!

2011-12-24T21:28:00.001-07:00

It has been a very good day. The boys have been excited all day so as a result, a little bit hyper. We managed to harness their energy and they helped get the house clean this morning. We worked hard and got it done quickly. Then we spent the rest of the day playing. We went to a movie with my sister and her family. We had dinner and then opened our Christmas Eve PJ's and our new tradition of a family game. Then we played the game and pulled up Santa Tracker. They boys saw that Santa was in North America and decided they needed to go to bed. Easiest bed time EVER!!

We have had a great and crazy year. We are so awed and inspired by the amazing things that have happened and excited by the progress that our children have made this year. Next year will be great. Merry Christmas to all our friends and family. Please know how much you all mean to us. We couldn't do it without you!

We got these footed pj's as a joke for Hunter. He handled it great and we all laughed. We did get him some real pj's, but he decided to wear the footed ones anyway.

Phil and Shelli and Temple Square

2011-12-23T23:03:00.001-07:00

So tonight will be a threefer. I will start with Phil. I love this picture with Phil and Colton. It was taken in March. Phil has been busy this year. He is still working at OrthoPro as the CFO. It can be very frustrating at times because he feels like he wants a little more from his work and they aren't in a position to give it to him right now. But he has learned a whole lot there and he really loves the work that he does. I laugh at him because he throws around medical terms and I tell him that he thinks he is a doctor now! I guess we have had a lot of experience so I can't really blame him.

Besides work, Phil had been going to all the boys soccer games and helping me juggle them to all their stuff. He has been involved in helping them get their karate belts and likes to go watch them when he can. Phil is also working hard at learning sign language. It has been harder for him because he isn't home with Colton using it all day long. He started taking one on one lessons with our deaf mentor. Every week he goes to the deaf school on his lunch break and spends an hour with her. He is now learning a lot and now that Colton is signing back, I am sure he will just get better and better.

Phil trained hard this summer for his triathlon in Saint George. I was bummed because we couldn't go see him race. It was right after Colton had his implants turned on and the kids had just started school. I didn't think it was a good idea to go. But he raced well. He didn't reach his goal, but he had a personal best. I am so proud of him for working so hard to do it. I hope that he continues with his goals in triathlons. He also has been playing basketball at church and this year he didn't throw his back out. YAY PHIL!!

Phil is serving as the Sunday school teacher of the 14-15 year olds. He really does a great job with them. This last year went well. I don't know if he will keep the same age this next year or not. I guess we will see. This is Phil tonight. I kind of threw it on him and we had been out all night at Temple Square, so he kind of has hat hair, but he is super handsome and I love him more than the day we married. Phil is an unbelievable father and provider. He works so hard to support our family (And my chocolate habit!) I love him so so so much. Phil, I am so excited to start our 12th year together. It just gets better and better!

Okay, so it turns out there aren't very many pictures of me. I guess that is normal for moms. We are usually behind the cameras. There are a few that I found and then I took one tonight with my hat hair from temple square. No laughing!

This year has been spent being a mom to my kids. I guess I finally achieved soccer mom status with some therapy mom thrown in there. That is what I do most of the time. Drive kids from place to place and get them where they need to be. I also love to read and I have a book club that I escape to once a month.

I am serving as the Wolf Den Leader in the cub scouts. I enjoy it more than I thought I would. The boys are fun and easy to please. They are so excited to be there, so that makes it easy. I admit that being around boys all the time has changed me. I never was a girly girl, but I find myself gravitating to pink and jewelry and shoes. Things that I never cared too much about before, but now I crave them. Good thing Phil is a a good provider because I have a feeling I am going to acquire more shoes in the future!

So here is me tonight. I am not as skinny as I want to be and I am definitely not as stylish as I wish I was. But I love being a mom (most of the time anyway.) I admit having 4 boys wears me out. Sometimes I want to just wring their little necks. But they are good boys and I feel pretty honored that my Heavenly Father has so much faith in me to give me such a special job. I know how important it is to teach them the gospel and my dream is that I will send all 4 of them off on missions with a knowledge that their Savior loves them. For next year I will settle for happy boys and less visits to the Doctor.

Here are a few pictures of Phil and I together just to prove we do see each other sometimes and that we do actually love each other!!

Tonight we took the kids to temple square. We took the train down. It was a zoo. A crazy CRAZY ZOO. I was a little disappointed actually. We didn't get to see as much we I wanted to. But it was still a fun time and the kids still had fun. We even ran into some old friends from when Phil and I were younger. We know them when Hunter was our only baby. It is a small world after all. Anyway, it was fun even though it was crazy. But next year I think that we will try going earlier in the month.

What do you know, 2 pictures of me!!

Colton

2011-12-22T22:39:00.000-07:00

I don't have to tell you what an emotional roller coaster year it has been for our Colton. Looking back at the pictures really shows just how far he has come. It is really strange to feel that he has come so far, yet feel so frustrated because he hasn't come very far. I know that doesn't make much sense, but it is my life with him. 1 step forward, 2 steps back kind of thing. But I celebrate all of Coltons victories. Here is his year in review.

At the beginning of the year Colton was wearing his hearing aids all waking hours without pulling them off. He was still on oxygen while he slept, but was able to be off during the day. Here he is having some Daddy time.

This was the first time I bundled up Colton and took him out in the snow. He wasn't walking, so I didn't get him our of the carrier, but it was a big thing for me to feel like I could do it. And he loved it. Colton was officially taken off oxygen in February of this year. Almost 2 years with oxygen. We are not sad to see it go!

Colton has a thing with dishes. He loves them. He likes to play with them and throw them all over the house. I have a drawer that has all the kids cups in it. It doesn't have a lock on it and everyday he empties it and then refills it and then empties it again. In nursery Colton will walk straight to the table and play with the plates they have there. He likes to stack them and set the table. It is a really good thing that he is mimicking household tasks, like setting the table. It does make for a constant mess and I have lost several cups and lids that I am sure he threw in the garbage. We learned pretty quickly to put the garbage can in the pantry because he loves throwing things away. In fact, I am pretty sure that he threw a library book away because I still can't find it. Guess I will be paying for it.

Colton at Easter time. I just like this picture.

Colton turned 2 on his birthday in May this year. It was an exciting day. We had the family over and I made a car cake for him. What was fantastic was that by the end of the night we were all talking around the table and Colton kept climbing up on top and decided to walk across it. I don't know what made him decide he could do it, but he did. It took a long time for him to walk and now he is all over the place. He doesn't really run super fast, but he tries and it is cute. He has a different gait because his legs are small and he has some balance issues because of his ears. But he still escapes often. One day I was in the library with him. Our library is NOT big and I wasn't really super concerned when he disappeared. I figured he went in the kid area. He was not there and I walked along the back so I could see down all the isles. It was long enough that I started to panic and I saw his head bob behind the front desk. He was just walking around back there and even the ladies didn't notice him because he is so small. I keep a much closer eye on him now because when he wants to go somewhere, he sure gets there fast.

I love this picture. This was in June. This is one of the first times he pretended to talk on the phone. It is so fun to see him do age appropriate things. Talking on the phone is one the first things that kids do. It took Colton longer to do it because he didn't hear anything. He didn't know what was going on. When I saw him do it the first time I had to snap a picture. It is good for me to see when Colton does do something normal. It reminds me of why we spend so many hours working for him.

In preparation for Colton's cochlear implants, he needed to have tubes placed in his ears to get rid of the fluid. He had tubes the year before, but they had fallen out. It is always hard when Colon has to go for a procedure. I hate putting him to sleep and having him wake up groggy. This time he was very funny when he woke up. He just wanted to walk around. Nothing we did made him happy, he just wanted down. The problem was that he was still a little loopy and unsteady, so Phil and I had to follow him around and make sure he didn't fall over. He looked like a kid who has spun around and around and is so dizzy that he can't walk straight. But I guess when it takes 2 years to start walking, I can't blame him for wanting to be down exploring.

Colton never falls asleep like this. He was really worn out. I don't even remember what we did that day, but I had to snap a picture because this never happens. Usually he fights and fights sleeping unless he is in bed. It was super cute.

Our wonderful neighbors put on several fundraisers for Colton Goes Cochlear to help us raise money. The biggest one by far was the 4th of July parade and booth. We went in the parade and while it was a neat experience, I can honestly say that I never want to be in a parade again. But they had these great banners made and of course the boys loved being in the parade. It was a very touching and humbling experience to see everyone come together for our son. I still get emotional thinking about it. I can never say thank you enough.

Of course the surgery was a big thing. August 5th was the day. It was a nerve racking day. We really didn't know what to expect. The surgery itself went great. We were planning on 4-5 hours and it was only around 3. Colton was in pain and waking up was harder. Initially we were told we were spending the night, but then they let us go and we brought him home. It was better being in the comfort of our own home. We held him most of the night but by the next morning he wanted to be down again. My Colton is such a fighter. He is such a strong little boy. He is going to do great things here on earth.

The boys said that he looked like Princess Leia when they saw pictures of him. The cups made it hard to cuddle. We were glad the take them off and use his hat instead.

Colton has 4 things that he loves to play with: the first I mentioned earlier, dishes. The second is cars. He lines them up and drives the all over. He even makes a sound while he drives them around. The third is balls. He loves to throw. He especially loves this ball popper. The fourth thing is his stuffed animal bears. He smiles at them and cuddles them and kisses them. It is super cute when he grabs 3 of them and walks around the house with them. Often when we get him out of bed he has to grab his bear and carry it around. I love to watch him cuddle his bears. For Christmas this year he got to pick a stuffed animal from his therapist. There were literally hundreds of stuffed animals in this room. Colton walked right in and looked around. He spotted a monkey with huge eyes and smiled at it. He reached down and picked it up and carried it out of the room. All the therapists watching were laughing. It was so cute. So he has added a monkey to his bears and every time he sees it, he smiles at the big eyes.

Colton had his first haircut this year. He sat so still and didn't even cry. I wonder if it helped that he couldn't hear it. He is such a handsome boy. Phil thinks the needs another haircut, but I like his hair longer. What do you think?

On September 1 Colton had his cochlear implants turned on. It was an amazing day. Colton heard sound. It was not an easy first few weeks. Colton cried when we put his implants on every time. He would cry when he saw us carrying them towards him. It was tough sometimes to do it as he cried. It is a perfect example of doing something to your child that hurts them, but you know it is for their good. I feel like we do that a lot with him. Colton has had 5 surgeries and has been put asleep more times than that for other testing. It is the hardest thing I have done, but it was necessary for him to have a better life. I wonder if that is what our Heavenly Father feels as he watches us struggle through trials. He knows it is hard and hurts us, but it is necessary for us to have a better life. Hmmmm.

Now Colton is almost 4 months with his implants. He does not cry anymore when we put them on. In fact he wants them on and gives me a big smile when I say Good Morning to him right when I put them on. He is making more noise than ever and at church on Sunday we even had to cover his mouth during sacrament meeting. We have never had to do that before. The first sound he said was AHHH. I remember when he finally opened his mouth. I felt so elated. Now he says MAMAMA and NANANA and GAGAGA and MMMMMM and M M M M M. He also is signing to me FINALLY!! He is a tough kid because he is pretty laid back. If we take away a toy to try to motivate him to sign or vocalize for it, he just moves onto something else. The thing that finally motivated him was Oreos. He saw them on the counter and he wanted one. So I gave him one. He walked back over to me a little later and put up his hands. I said and signed "What?" and he signed "More." Now he signs "more" all the time when he wants something. He has also signed "What" and "help" and "want". Then something really exciting happened last week. We were getting ready to go and I said to Colton, "Where are your shoes?" He signed "shoes" to me and then went and got them. I didn't sign shoes to him, I said shoes. So that means he is understanding the word and he understands the sign. I feel that we are on the verge of language with Colton and it will soon burst free. It is exciting for us, but it has been hard. We have therapy almost everyday. I feel like we are always going somewhere or waiting for someone to come here. And we still have the other kids and their stuff too. It is hard. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed all day long. But it is working and he is doing so well. Again, he is so amazing.

Colton did not love dressing up for Halloween. So he was only dressed up for about 5 houses and then he came home and helped me pass out candy. Well, he helped me eat the candy anyway. It is one of the few things that he will eat that isn't baby food. Yet another frustration with Colton. He doesn't like to eat normal table food. So we are getting more therapy for that too. One day I will look back at all this and have happy thoughts right?

Colton climbing rocks at Garden of the Gods. He wanted to climb so bad. When he saw his brothers climbing he cried and cried until he helped him climb too. Then he was happy.

Colton today. Even looking at this picture makes me smile. He is so super cute. He just melts the heart of everyone who works with him. Everyone loves him. It bugs me sometimes when people stare at him. I know the implants make him look different. But most people can't help but smile back at him. This year has been tough, but is it the groundwork for all the amazing things that Colton is going to do. Phil and I don't doubt our decision to give Colton implants one bit. He is doing so well and it will be so exciting to see what next year will bring with our Colton. I do hope that I spend less time in the waiting room at Primary Children's Hospital though. That would make for a fabulous year!

Logan

2011-12-21T23:00:00.001-07:00

Going through Logan's year was so fun. If you know Logan, you know just how much personality he has. Everyone LOVES Logan. I have more people come up to me and tell me about Logan than I can even count.People who know him through other people. I had a mom of one of his friends tell me that her sister just loves Logan. Logan's friends grandparents know who Logan is and when they meet him the say, "Oh, YOUR Logan." He makes me smile and laugh everyday and I often post on facebook what I call "Loganisms." Like yesterday when we were reading his books. He had 2 from school and he realized that the second book had the same character as the the first book so he said, "Hey mom, these books are the same, except they are different."

Logan likes to steal my camera and take pictures. He sometimes takes pictures of things like his toy cars or his dinosaurs. But he loves to take pictures of himself. Here are some of my favorite pictures that Logan has taken.

Logan loves playing with his friends and when we go places we almost always end up near some of his friends. Here he is with his friend Kail. As you can tell, they like being silly together.

Logan graduated from Preschool this last Spring. He went to Appletree Preschool and they had a program that they put on for graduation. Logan loves to perform. He is not shy at all. We took him to breakfast before at the restaurant right by his school. He sure loved going to school. His teacher said that he loved to tell stories. Sometimes that scares me a little. I wonder what family secrets he has spread!

Logan got braver this year in the water. He practiced in the bathtub before he had swimming lessons this summer. He wanted to be able to put his face under water. So every time he had a bath he would hold his breath and go under. He can hold his breath a very long time now. We took the kids to Cherry Hill and Logan got even braver and jumped in the water. He has decided that he loves the water. He told me yesterday that he wants to go back to Chili Hill so he can go down the water slides again. (No that is not a typo, that is what he called it.) I love how he talks!

We took the kids to the demolition derby this year and there was a lot of down time between heats. Logan took this time to stand up and dance to the music. And boy did he dance. He danced and danced. We went with people from Phil's work and they still talk about Logan and his dancing. He loves music too and will take my IPOD and speakers and turn them on. He sings and dances and pretends that he is onstage. His favorite songs of the year were: Lemonade Mouth, Grenade and Tonight Tonight. He knows them by heart and requests them often. We have many days where we just sit and Logan will entertain us.

Logan turned 6 years old this last August. He is a hard person to shop for because he wants everything. (Maybe that makes him easy, not hard!) This last year he spent a lot of time outdoors on his brothers scooters, so for his birthday we got him his own. He face planted it that night and decided that his scooter was mean!

I love making cakes for Logan because he never asks for brand name things. He asks for animals and dinosaurs and I get to use my imagination. He really wanted a triceratops cake this year. I had fun figuring out how to make one. And his brothers liked helping me with it.

After Logan's scooter was mean to him, it was enough motivation for him to finally learn how to ride a bike. It was hard teaching Logan how to ride. It took a long time. He did not want to do it and he was scared of falling. We spent lots of time outside working on it. Finally, one Sunday, we were outside enjoying the night and Logan's friend rode by on her bike. All by herself. Logan had it down by the end of the night. He was up and down the street and has spent almost everyday that he can riding that bike. He was out on it today with is friends riding. He loves it. And he is so proud of himself for learning how to do it all by himself.

After about 4 years of watching his older brothers play, Logan finally got to play soccer this year. His team is the "green tigers" and he loves it. It is so great to watch him play. He is fast and will run up past the ball and whoever has it to try and cut them off. We had to have some talks about just throwing himself down on the field though. He thought that was a great way to stop the ball for awhile!

Another big thing for Logan this year... He started Kindergarten. He finally gets to go to the big school with his brothers. He was so excited to go to school. He was pretty mad when he found out that he wouldn't be able to eat lunch there because he is only half day. On his first parent teacher conference his teacher said that he is finally starting to understand that he needs to sit down and do his work and not just tell stories. But she said that he is always the first one to remind her of everything. He did come home one day and tell me that he had to sit with his head on his desk. He was looking in the windows of the art room at recess and decided that he wanted the kids in art to know he was there, so he knocked on the windows and made faces. He was pretty sad that he got in trouble and now he doesn't knock on the windows anymore. He is also the little social director and stays after school for about 15 minutes everyday because he can't leave while all his friends are still there. He makes plans and comes home everyday to tell me that he has to play with a certain friend that day. Sometimes he even comes home with friends and their moms to make sure that we work it out so they can play. He is just not happy unless he is playing. He is also learning to read and is doing pretty well. It amazes me how he will remember everything that they worked on in class that day. I was worried that he wouldn't get it, but he does and he gets better everyday!

For Halloween Logan wanted to be Tron. Phil and I worked hard to make this costume and I think it turned out great. I also love that when he wore it, he acted like Tron. He moved like Tron. He made Tron sounds. He WAS Tron. It was great!

Logan got to bring home Bearific from school and had to do something fun and take pictures. We took him to Krispy Kreme to get free doughnuts from their report cards.

Here is Logan tonight. He just can't take a bad picture. Logan is growing up everyday, but he still has the personality that we love. I hope that he keeps it. I love that he has no fear. I admit that is scary sometimes that he will walk up to complete strangers and ask them to buy him stuff, but he will also go up to people and smile at them and make their day. The other day there was a boy walking home from school in front of our house. Logan was walking out to head to a friends. He just started talking to the boy and found out it was the boys birthday. He gave him a huge smile and told him "Well Happy Birthday Man." He is so happy and friendly and loving. And he is so proud of his brothers and wants to be just like them. I treasure the time I have left with Logan because soon he will be gone all day. I can't wait to see what kind of young man he will be. Merry Christmas Logan, and Happy New Year Man!

Chase

2011-12-20T21:21:00.002-07:00

A few words that I can think of to describe Chase are: kind hearted, peacemaker, clever, jokester, shy, talented and stubborn. There are many more, but these are the top ones for this last year.Chase loves to make people laugh and he is the first to do something silly.

Chase is the boy all in yellow. His 2nd grade class performed to the "YMCA" for arts night at school. You wouldn't know it, but Chase was very concerned this night about how he looked. In fact, he is my most self-conscious boy. He was really mad that I made him dress up as the construction worker. He thought he looked, "ridiculous" as he yelled at us as we were walking up the school steps. Fortunately for him, everyone else looked ridiculous too, so he soon chilled out and did what he was supposed to do.

It is kind of funny that he is the most self-conscious because he is also the one who wants to make people laugh. And he is very clever and comes up with some pretty funny things. The really funny thing is that he will deliver his line with a straight face and not even crack a smile. Just tonight we went to Walmart to get some teacher gifts. Walmarts thing is "low prices always." The door that we were going in happened to have a big sign above it that said "Always". Chase said, "So are we going to Walmart, or are we going to Always?" Not even a smile. Here he is being silly for the camera, as he often does.

This year was a big birthday for Chase. He turned 8 years old. Now that means something really special, but it also means that he got to have a friend birthday party! We invited several kids from school and we came up with some great games and had a party. He invited boys and girls and it was a great and wet time. Chase was totally into bakugon when he had this party, but he received his first beyblade at this party and it has been everything beyblade since.

Of course, turning 8 also means that Chase was baptized. What a special thing for him to do. It was a great day for Phil and I. Chase is growing up so fast and now he has the gift of the Holy Ghost to help him make the best decisions. We loved that our family came up and witnessed this very special day for Chase.

Chase is an awesome athlete. He is very naturally talented at a lot of things. He played soccer in the spring time and was one of the best players on the team. By the end of this year, Chase is obsessed with football. He wears his football jersey to school almost every day over his shirt and he carries the football around. Today he even came home from school and turned on the football game that Phil had recorded from Monday Night Football last night. He really wants to play football next year instead of soccer. I think we may just let him.

Part of being a great athlete means that he is also really great at karate. This year he started going with Hunter. In a few short months he earned his yellow stripe and his yellow belt. On his very first day going he came home with bloody knuckles from hitting the bag so hard. His teacher told me that he has never seen a kid so tough on his first day like that before. I hope that he can stick with it, but Chase doesn't seem to love it as much as Hunter. I guess we will see what next year brings.

I am lucky enough to be the Wolf Den Leader and I get to be in scouts with Chase every week. He has worked so hard and he earned his wolf. It was fun for me to be able to give it to him. I like seeing him in a situation where he gets to be around other boys who aren't his brothers. The things they talk about!!!

This fall Chase started the 3rd grade. His teacher is Mrs. Bland and he loves her. She is a big football fan too and Chase loves that! They talk football and he respects her favorite team, the Steelers, just because she likes them. I was worried for Chase when he started out this year. He is more quiet and shy. But he is doing so great. His teacher told me that if she had a classroom full of Chase's that she would be the happiest teacher in the world. He is just such a great student and a peacemaker. She told me that she purposely puts Chase next to students who are struggling because she knows that he will help them out. What a great kid I have. I am one proud mom!

Chase loves to be outdoors. We went hiking with our family and Chase loved it. He loved climbing the rocks and being by the big waterfall. Chase also helped his brothers on the hike. He is usually the first to step in if he sees that Logan is upset or needs help. He will tell Logan a joke or challenge him to a race. It cheers Logan right up and it warms my heart to see him be so gentle with his brother.

More silliness with Chase. One of the things I love about Chase the most is that he is growing up so much, but he still has time to be a kid. He uses his imagination and he takes care of those around him. He pretends that the kiss he gives me in the morning before he leaves is embarrassing, but he will cuddle up to me in bed or watching TV and he will notice when I need a hug the most.

This is tonight. Chase wanted to take his picture in front of the football game. I told you, he is obsessed. I am a little afraid to let him play football. He is not a really big kid. I tell him that he will get knocked down and that he will be beat up, but he doesn't care. How can I hold him back when he wants it so bad. And who knows, maybe he will be amazing at it too. And then he can be my retirement plan!! I love you my Chase. Lets see what next year will bring! Merry Christmas!

Hunter

2011-12-19T22:42:00.001-07:00

So I start our year in review with Hunter.2011 was a fun year for our first born. We started off the year celebrating Hunter turning 9 years old at the end of January. For his birthday this year we took the kids bowling. Hunter was allowed to invite one person and he invited his cousin Spencer.

Hunter had some fun times this year. He is quite the performer. Here he is dancing to the "Boot Scootin' Bogey" with the whole 3rd grade class for arts night.

And here Hunter played the "King" in a really cute little play that his class put on at the school. He was the king who would not get out of the bathtub. Instead, he invited everyone into the bathtub with him and they ate and danced and did swordplay. Finally a very smart person decided to pull the plug on the tub and Hunter got to grab a towel and run off stage. He was very cute in the play and I laughed and laughed. It is fun to see him able to do something like that and not be scared or embarrassed.

Hunter has found a passion for science this year. He loves exploring and experimenting with lots of different things. It has become his favorite subject at school. He also has enjoyed working with Phil's tools and built a little table with some leftover wood. It is amazing to see him work things out and make new discoveries.

Hunter is an amazing swimmer. Much to his dad's disappointment, he doesn't really have a passion for it though. He took lessons this summer and did so well that they skipped him a level. Maybe when he gets a bit older he will love it more. Phil can keep his fingers crossed.

Hunter has been seen by the cardiologist every year since his birth. His heart surgery at 2 weeks old left him with a scar that he shares with his brother Colton. It also left him with a bicuspid aortic valve, which is what he is followed for annually. This year Hunter took a more active interest in what was wrong with his heart. He sat down with the cardiologist and she explained everything to him and he understands what it all means. I can't believe how grown up he is.

Hunter started 4th grade this fall. He is in Mrs. Housleys class and he moves classrooms and has Mr. Simmons for math. This school year started off a little rocky. Hunter has a lot more responsibility over his assignments and for the first few weeks he didn't do a very good job keeping track of them. But now he is doing well and really loves school. He doesn't even complain too much about going or doing homework. He can now sit down and do it with out me sitting right next to him, which I love, and he does math that I can't even do. Hunter is so smart and I am so proud of his accomplishments at school. He loves to read and has read many book series this year: Fablehaven, Harry Potter, Leven Thumps, and is now reading Pendragon. He is growing up so so so fast.

Hunter is taking Karate and this year he worked hard and has gotten his orange belt. He set a goal for himself to do it and it was great to see him accomplish that goal. Karate has been a good thing for Hunter and has taught him a lot of control over himself. It is something that he really excels in. He also played soccer this fall and he worked so hard. His team was good, but just couldn't quite get the win. Hunter practiced and practiced to get better and faster for his team. Every week he played his absolute best. He has learned this year that he when he puts in the hard work, he can do great things. (However, he does NOT apply that hard work thing to chores around the house, much to my dismay!)

Hunter opened a bank account this year and learned a valuable lesson about money. I was so proud of him when he set a goal to buy a DS. He worked hard to earn the money, saved it, and this summer was able to go buy the DS that he wanted.

Hunter was a vampire for Halloween this year. Complete with weird crazy wig that he really wanted. It was fun for me to help him build his own costume.

This is the first year that Hunter was NOT afraid of pumpkin guts!

These next 2 pictures were taken at Garden of the Gods in CO. I told you before that Hunter loves science and that includes rocks. He really liked climbing on these amazing rock formations and picking up rocks all over the trails. I wish we could have more time explore the park. He wants to go back there soon.

I took these pictures tonight. I asked Hunter to pose for me and this is what he did, silly boy!

This is my Hunter at the end of 2011. It has been an amazing year of growth for him. I have seen him grow up and change this year. It has gone so fast. He is such a great son and big brother. He can be the sweetest and mort thoughtful boy when he wants to be. I love that when he leaves every morning he still kisses me good-bye and I love the silly jokes and stories that he brings home from school. He enjoys life so much. Happy New Year Hunter! I can't wait to see all the things you will accomplish next year.

Ice Skating!

2011-12-18T20:27:00.004-07:00

This last week I took my cub scout group ice skating. We found a rink here close by in Farmington and it turned out to be perfect. While I was there they told us to bring our families back on Friday morning early to skate and see Santa because the news was coming. Phil and I talked back and forth about doing it and then decided to go ahead and do it. We got up before 5 am and got the kids up. We went and skated and had hot chocolate. I was a really fun morning.
Santa came in on a fire truck and Colton wasn't afraid of him at all. He climbed right up onto his lap and posted for pictures. When Santa came in this time, the news wasn't even there yet. So they redid the whole thing an hour later when the news finally showed up. Only Colton wasn't involved in that part. By then, he was about ready to go home.

Chase and I had been skating a few days before, but for Logan and Hunter, this was their first time ever. Logan started out holding my hand and then went off on his own. He did really well. Chase improved so much from his first time with the scouts, and Hunter fell a lot. At one point Hunter said to me, "Go and switch dad because I don't want to be the only one making a fool of myself!"

So Phil and I switched places and Phil got on the ice. He was very careful and stuck close by the side. Much to Hunter's dismay, Phil never did fall. But luckily, Hunter got better and better and didn't fall so much after a while.

Logan fell sometimes and just got back up. He did it all with a smile.

After Santa made his grand entrance again, he moved to his house and the kids that were there all gathered around. This was us waiting for the news guy who was right out the door. It was all live so we waited for a little bit. By this time, we had been there a while and the kids were getting ready to go. But they still had enough energy to tell Santa everything that they wanted.

When the sun came up, it was time to get home and get kids off to school. But we were able to snap a quick family picture. we were glad that we went even though we had to get up at o-dark thirty. It was definitely a hit with the kids and Logan keeps asking if we can go back every morning. They were able to go skating again with some friends on Saturday afternoon. It looks like we have found a new favorite activity!

Coming this week I am going to try to do an update everyday. I want to take a day for everyone and give an overview of their year and an update. By Christmas Day I will have done everyone in our family and it will be our Christmas Card for 2011. Stay Tuned...

Our Crazy Life

2011-12-05T21:46:00.003-07:00

It has been pretty crazy around here. I really need to write more often so I can remember all this stuff. My dad tells me that I need to write more often too. I guess he is right... sometimes. I am not making any promises though. I would like to say that I will do it, but as my title suggests, sometimes life is just too crazy. I will try though.

Here is a sum up of our crazy life.

We went to Colorado for Thanksgiving. We took the whole week off so we could spend as much time there as possible. We stayed with some friends and the boys spent several nights at Grandma and Grandpas house. If you ask the boys what there favorite thing was they will tell you it was having pancakes for Thanksgiving dinner. We went out to a restaurant and we let them have whatever they wanted. It was a Thanksgiving to remember.

We came back early, which was the best thing ever. It was so nice to have a few days to recover before getting back into school and work. But we started right away into the craziness. Phil ended up with strep throat, which threw off the whole working thing. Not good considering he had just taken the whole week before off. He handled it well and wasn't too much of a baby.

On Wednesday Colton had a surgery. It was a hard experience. They pushed him off to a start time of 3:00, so that means we spent the whole day starving the poor kid. He did really well considering how hungry he was. The surgery went well. It took about 1 1/2 hours and he woke up pretty easily. He has had a lot of pain though. It has been a longer recovery.

Then our course is our fun day Thursday. The Category 2 hurricane winds that blew through our neighborhood leaving blown over fences and trees and roofs and trampolines. It was pretty nuts. I have never experienced anything like it. We lost power for the whole day, lost our swing set, and will need to have quite a bit of our roof replaced, but no one was hurt. And it was so amazing how everyone has worked together to help each other. It was a good kick in the pants for us. We realize that we are not as prepared for a disaster as we need to be. So we have some work to do. On Sunday they cancelled all our church meetings so that everyone could help secure houses because they were forecasting another wind storm. People were out all day with their trucks, trailers and chain saws to help out. It just really touched me how everyone has helped out. It was so great to look out the windows and see the youth walking house to house doing what they could. Hunter and Chase went out with Phil to help clean up. Chase came home after awhile and said he was too small, but Hunter stayed with Phil all day. They went over to some other wards and helped get the trees out of the way. Even though this has been a crazy experience, I am glad that my kids have experienced it. They have seen how people can work together. And they also have a greater appreciate for electricity. We lost power again tonight for a few hours and Logan prayed for it to come back on. I am glad that we have had to step back to really appreciate some of the things that we have.

Because of the storm, school was canceled for 2 days, so I feel like Coltons recovery has been a bit harder. On Saturday we noticed that he has an ear infection as well. He is at higher risk with ear infections because of his implants, so we are treating him pretty aggressively. I wish I could have spent most of my attention on just him instead of all 4 boys. It has made for a tired and cranky mom. Last night he finally slept though the night and I feel like he is finally starting to feel a bit better.

I am glad to start a new week and I feel like it has started off well. Today was a good day. I hope that we can continue to have it go smoothly.

Logans Prayer

2011-11-07T22:25:00.001-07:00

Tonight in Logan's prayer he asked for Heavenly Father to help all his bad dreams to go away. Then he asked that "all the kids in the great, wide, neighborhood will not cry or have to go to their parents in the middle of the night." Cutest prayer ever!

Happy Halloween!

2011-11-01T20:56:00.007-06:00

It was a fun, but crazy Halloween this year. We had parade and parties at school on Friday. On Saturday we had 2 Fall festivals to go to. And of course, Halloween night Monday night. I felt like my kids lived in their costumes this year. We got creative this year and made our costumes by hunting around and finding what we could use at used clothing stores. Luckily, we were mostly successful.

Logan wanted to be a bad guy from "Tron" this year. I looked online to get costume ideas and was shocked to see that most of them used expensive wiring and lighting to get them to glow. I figured that Logan, being only 6 years old, would be okay if he didn't actually glow, so I took him to the store and let him pick out the tape to use. He picked the bright orange and it worked out great. In fact, I think he does kind of glow!

Hunter wanted to be a vampire. This is about as gory as we get around here. I hate the fake blood stuff and the make-up. We hunted around and found some clothes that would work. The night before this was a bit crazy because the teeth that we had found didn't work out the way we hoped, so Phil had to make a quick trip to Walgreens and we lucked out and found what we needed. Hunter wanted black hair so we found this crazy wig. It was a bit silly, but that was what he wanted!
Now Chase wanted to be "Ben 10". Yes, most other people didn't know what that was either. He is an alien hunter from a tv show that the boys watch. We found the jacket and I again used tape and a paper "10" that I stuck on there. I think the real reason that Chase wanted to be this was so that he could get the toy on his wrist. It is the "ultramatrix". It is what Ben 10 uses to turn into an alien and fight them. I gave in and let him buy the real thing instead of making one out of cardboard.

Colton and I waited at the school for the kids to come through.

Here they come...

We carved pumpkins on Friday night. Well, Hunter and I carved the pumpkins. I had to bribe Logan to stick his hands in this pumpkin and after this first handful, he wouldn't put it in again.

Chase wouldn't even attempt to clean out his pumpkin. He did draw his design on so that I could carve it though. He was to busy playing "football" with Logan. Hunter however was not afraid to get his hands, or his face, dirty.

So Saturday we had a carnival down at the Sanderson Deaf Community Center put on by Hands and Voices. It was their first event and was fun. We wish that there were more families that came, but we had fun.

Saturday night was our ward party. I only got this picture of Logan dancing, but he was crazy. We had a great time dancing the night away and tasting chili.

Halloween day was a lazy, quiet day for us. The kids didn't have school and they didn't get dressed when I asked them to. In fact, they didn't get dress until about 1:30 in the afternoon, so we just hung out. We had a pumpkin shaped pizza for dinner and Chase informed us that he wanted to switch up his costume because nobody knew who Ben 10 was and he was a little embarrassed. So we threw this together in about 15 minutes. He was super happy to go as "Wes Welker" from the Patriots. Good thing Phil collects random Patriots stuff!

And I actually dressed Colton up for real (for about 15 minutes). He doesn't love having stuff covering his head and he was super onery. Phil did take him out for about 4 houses because the weather was really great.

All my handsome boys!

Happy Halloween from our family to yours!!!

Our Last Month

2011-10-08T23:16:00.006-06:00

I know that I have been a slacker in posting. I knew that I needed to do it, I just didn't. I decided last night that today was the day, so here I am. The problem with waiting so long for me to post in that there is a lot to cover, so I am not going to talk much about Colton's hearing progress on this. I updated his blog too so if you want to know about that you can click the link on the side of the page to his blog and check it out. Here our the family updates:

On Labor Day we hiked up Adams Canyon with Russ, Sherri, Cortney, Brooklyn and Spencer. They are just the perfect age to help us with our smaller kiddos and it was great to go with them. I realized just how out of shape I am, but I am glad that we went and I see lots more hikes in our future.

Hunter has been a busy boy. 4th grade has left him with more homework and more responsibility for keeping track of his assignments. He loves math and this year he switches classrooms to a different math teacher. He is playing soccer and is really doing great at it. His big news is that he belt tested in karate and is now an orange belt. Yay Hunter!

Chase has been passing off his multiplication facts at school. He surprises me because he is quiet about it, but he is one smart cookie. He had a diorama project and made some cheetahs out of play dough (with only a little help from mom!) He is also playing soccer and has a desire to be goalie, so he is outside practicing a lot. Chase worked and got his bobcat in cub scouts. I am his den leader so I got to give it to him. Dad was home with sick kids.

Logan is his same old social self. He loves kindergarten, rides his bike all over, and plays all day long with friends. He loves soccer, he loves playing and he loves school. Pretty much our little social ball of personality.

Colton always makes life interesting. Just this morning he decided he could walk down the stairs and bounced instead. He hit just right and split his eyebrow open and we had to go get stitches. They were able to glue it instead so it was a lot less invasive. He is always keeping us on our toes. His therapy is going well and he is learning and doing new things everyday.

Phil and I are just plugging along. We are working on some projects around the house. We found mold in our downstairs bathroom, but luckily it wasn't very much. Phil did his triathlon last month and I am just being a mom which entails just about everything. I am trying to focus on the joys in life and not just on the hard things. It has been fun to see the kids grow and make new discoveries. I will do better at keeping you all updated.

The Video

2011-09-02T00:28:00.000-06:00

The video of Colton being "turned on" is at this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pz6O8BBa9us

Be warned that it is not all warm and fuzzy. He cries...a lot. But you can really see his reaction to being able to hear.

Being "Turned On"

2011-09-01T22:00:00.003-06:00

It was a very special day today. I don't want to forget anything about it. I am trying to get the video up and running, but it will take more tweaking. Give me some time. I had a lot of nervous energy this morning while we waited for 3:00 to arrive. I put on some music and cleaned my house. Even the bathrooms. When it was finally time to leave, I had to wake Colton up from his nap. I hate that. We went right back and we started in the high chair. The black cord you see in the picture is what is used to program the processor. He won't always have that cord hanging down.

The first tone he heard he reached up and grabbed at the implant. She did tones in different ranges. Some high, some low. By the 3rd tone, Colton was in tears. He was crying and crying. It was very dramatic!

This picture is between tones. You can see he is a little bit apprehensive because he just heard something that he has never heard before.
We decided to get Colton out of the highchair and see if he would be a little calmer with Mom. Here Grandpa is trying to help calm him down.
We took a break between ears to give Colton a chance to adjust to the first ear. He kept it on pretty well while we walked around and soon wasn't crying too much. We put the other side on and his responses were still big, but not so teary. By the end, she was able to have him up where she wanted him and he wasn't quite so sensitive to the noise.
Over the next few days I will turn him up every day. We want to introduce the sound very slowly. Next Thursday we will go back and she will turn him up even more. Colton isn't responding to every little sound yet, but he is definitely hearing more that he ever did with hearing aids.

Here are our cochlear implant cases. One for each ear, and yes, they are full of stuff.
Extra ear hooks, mesh covers for the microphones, power cables, batteries, special screw drivers, drying kits, extra cables, carrying cases. This is definitely an investment because when we run out of anything, we have to order more...for the rest of his life!

I will keep working on getting some video up. It wasn't all warm and fuzzy like you see on YouTube. It was stressful, and a little sad. I hate seeing my child scream and cry like he is in pain. I know that he will adjust, that it will get better, we just need to be patient. Colton is one amazing little boy. I can't imagine what it would be like to go from absolute silence to noise in an instant. Because it was in an instant. As soon as the coil touched his head he would jump and scream. But even being stressful and a little sad, it is amazing. And the last video we took was Colton laughing and smiling while he pushed a ball down the hall. And I saw him when he realized that he could hit the ball and it made a noise. That is what I am looking forward to...watching him see the world in a different way. A world with sound.

First Day of School!

2011-08-24T13:40:00.004-06:00

I have been behind on the posting, so keep going and see all the new ones that I have finally posted. Life was busy these past few weeks, but now it is here. The first day of school. It is always an exciting day. This year I am sending 3 of my boys to school. I am extremely worried about my time management between all 4 boys homework, soccer, scouts, karate and therapies. I hope that I can stay on the ball.

I love this pic. Chase looks way too cool for school!

They all got new backpacks this year. Here they are showing them off.

Chase has been the most hesitant about going back to school. He is going into 3rd grade. He was disappointed about his teacher, but had changed his mind when he came home from the first day with a chocolate covered face. He decided his teacher was nice after all.

Hunter is starting 4th grade. He is excited to start school, kind of, as he tells me. He likes school most of the time, but doesn't like the homework. But he loves assemblies and is excited to see his friends again.

Logan is super excited about starting kindergarten. He didn't quite understand why his day was short and why he isn't going back until next week. But we went today and did his testing and that satisfied him for a while. He got a treat from his teacher and told her he was excited to come back next week. He is even ready for homework. Everyday he tells me that he forgot to do it. His "official" first day is next Monday. I hope that he is as ready as he thinks he is!

Yard Sale

2011-08-24T13:40:00.001-06:00

To end the fundraising efforts, our wonderful friends and neighbors put on a yard sale. Lots of people donated stuff and many people sacrificed time, space, yards, and sleep to make this happen for us. Even though this isn't the first large fundraiser done on our behalf, it is as special and humbling as the others. We are so grateful to everyone who has helped us. Those who have put the events together. Those who have stressed out and taken time away from their families. Those who have stepped outside of their comfort zones. And those who have donated. Thank you so much. You will never know what kind of impact you have had on me and my family. It goes so much deeper than just the money. Thank you!

Some Milestones

2011-08-24T13:30:00.003-06:00

Hunter had his yearly appointment with the cardiologist. He had a heard echo and an EKG. The picture below is the EKG. He did great for the appointment and his heart is doing great. It is working great and we don't have to go back for 2 years. That will be the longest time between appointments that we have had since he was born. Yay!

August 14, 2011. Coltons first haircut. We decided his hair was looking a little shaggy and uneven. He didn't even cry. He is one brave little boy.

Celebrating Logan, our ball our personality!

2011-08-24T13:16:00.003-06:00

Even though we had a little family celebration in the park on Logans birthday, we needed to have a little party. So once we knew that Colton was doing fine, we invited the family over and had cake and ice cream for Logan's 6th birthday. Logan wanted a triceratops cake. It was fun to figure out and fun to make. I got to use my imagination. This is how it turned out.

We have a great family and they came and we celebrated. Logans cousin Spencer gave Logan a present inside of a balloon. Logan was trying to figure out how to plug his ears and pop the balloon at the same time. Eventually, he realized it wouldn't work and let his cousin take a shot at it.
I think that Logan liked the beyblade that his Grandma and Grandpa gave him, don't you?

Happy Birthday Sweet Logan. You sure make life more fun. We love you.
Logan decided to use our camera. Here is some of his work.

The Zoo

2011-08-16T21:51:00.005-06:00

School starts next week and Colton is doing so great so we decided to take an outing to the zoo today. Colton did just fine. Overall he is fine. He is bleeding out of his ears a little bit every night as he lays on the side of his head. It is normal because he has tubes in his ears, so the blood has an outlet. It will eventually just go away to more he heals. He isn't in any pain anymore. The only time we see some discomfort is when he hits his head really hard. I am so impressed with Colton and how well he is doing. Just a few short weeks and we will take the next step.

Colton loved the carousel. I love these pics. It was also fun to see the dinosaurs around the zoo. It was a much needed fun day. And it was great to run into our friends Paul and Sarah. So great to see you guys today!

5 Days Later

2011-08-10T22:38:00.004-06:00

It has been 5 days since Coltons surgery. Here is an update. Colton is still amazing. For the most part he is acting normal. He is still more careful with his head than usual and we know that he is having a little bit of pain, but IB Profin doses are keeping it under control. We only give it as needed now, which is about every 6-8 hours. I got my first full nights sleep last night and I am hoping for a repeat performance. He is a little bit clingy to me, but as long as I am nearby, will be down and play. We have a few more days before we can get the incisions wet, so we had another sponge bath in the sink tonight. There has been no bleeding from the ears the last 2 days and he had is last dose of his antibiotic tonight. Here is what he looks like tonight.

The swelling has gone down and now we can see in implant inside his head. It sticks out quite a bit actually. It doesn't seem to bug him much unless he hits his head, and I am sure it will only get less tender. As he grows up, his skin will get thicker and eventually we won't be able to see the implant, but for now, it is there.

Here is our plan. The surgery put in the internal pieces of the implant. This is what it looks like. The circle part in the magnet that will hold the piece on the back of his head. The square is the chip and the thin string at the bottom is what they insert into the cochlea.Right now Colton can NOT hear. He is completely deaf. The insertion of the implant destroys any hair cells inside his cochlea that he had. For the next 3 weeks while he heals he will not be able to hear. It is only when we add the processor. This is the "Brain" of the implant. It has the microphone on it where the sound will come in. The ear piece will hang over his ear and the circle part will magnetize to the back of his head.
Colton is scheduled to "be turned on" on Sept 1. Until then, we just heal. Even after he is turned on, it will take a lot of therapy for him to start to make sense of what he is hearing. It will be like he is a newborn in terms of his hearing. It is a long process, which is one reason while we feel so strongly about continuing sign language. But we are excited to finally be on this road.

Now for Logans birthday today. He turned 6 years old. I know, the time just flies by. He was so excited and it was very cute to see his older brothers make him feel so special. It was pretty low-key considering our situation with Colton. Logan requested 2 scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. I also made some muffins. Logan just played with his brothers and a friend most of the day. His Cousin Nick came and picked him up in his truck and took him to McDonald's. Logan was so excited about that. After dinner we went to get ice cream and went to play at a park and open his presents.

Here we are getting things ready. We really don't know who this kid is in the helmet. You know Logan, he isn't afraid to talk to anyone and he tends to make friends where ever we are. He invited this kid to watch him open his presents.

Hunter and Chase were really great. They got creative and each of them gave Logan something special of theirs. Hunter made a car out of his Legos, then he made a book with pictures that he drew to show how he made it and he put it all in a bag. Presto!! A Lego Kit! Chase gave Logan one of his Beyblades that Logan always wants to play with along with a binder full of pokemon cards and a dollar. They were so sweet to want to do this for their brother. I didn't even ask them to!

Me and Phil gave Logan a scooter. Now he doesn't have to always ask his brothers if he can ride theirs and then steal them when they tell him no! He did crash pretty good tonight though. He first said that his scooter was mean and then after talking to his brothers decided that it was stiff from being in a box and just needs to be "loosened up." I love these kids! Happy Birthday Logan. You light up our life everyday. We love you so much!

Kids are Amazing

2011-08-08T14:05:00.002-06:00

I don't have any pictures to post today. Colton is up and moving around like normal and he is hard to catch. The older brothers came home last night and we waited up for them. They all missed each other and it was fun to see Colton reach for each of them and give them loves.

Here is our update of the last 24 hours. Colton is doing great. We never put the bandages back on. He has enjoyed having a head free of stuff. He seems to itch around the incision a little bit and I have had to catch him from touching it, but for the most part, he leaves it alone. We spent the rest of Sunday relaxing. Colton played and napped. Phil and I relaxed and napped. Phil left around 4 to get the boys from Grandmas while I stayed with Colton. He ate dinner like normal. He played like normal. He even went to bed like normal. I didn't even rock him. Just put him in bed and he went to sleep. He only woke up 1 time last night. His bed was wet and it seemed that he had some blood and fluid that came out of his ears. We changed the sheets, gave him some IB Profin and put him back in bed. He slept the rest of the night and woke up happy this morning. No more heavy pain meds unless he seems uncomfortable, which he doesn't. The only thing that I have noticed is that he still isn't laying on the sides of his head much. He is favoring them a little bit, but that is it. He has eaten like normal today. Played with his brothers like normal and now he is taking a good nap for me.

We have spent a lot of time in the children's hospital with our son. I have talked to many doctors and nurses about why they choose to work with kids instead of adults and they all say the same thing. Kids are fighters. They are amazing. They hurt, but don't complain that much. They make it through more often. And the ones that don't, fight til the end. Colton is just like that. What an amazing kid I have. Actually, I have 4 amazing kids. They make it through the hard stuff so much better than I do. They see the things that matter most when it is hard. And they don't doubt and worry constantly like I do. What amazing kids I have. And Colton is doing great, and is going to be fine. And one day, I will be able to tell him about this whole experience. About all the miracles that we have seen. And about how amazing he is.

The last 24 hours Update

2011-08-07T09:34:00.005-06:00

After Coltons nap on Saturday he ate his first real meal. He ate his whole bowl of oatmeal and peaches. I didn't expect him to eat so much, but he finished it off and had some Graham crackers too. His appetite is finally returning. He is still on both IB Profin and Loritab, but we are spreading his doses out to 5 hours today. We just want him to be comfortable.
After lunch we gave him a quick bath in the sink. His incisions can't get wet for 7 days, so we kept the princess Leah cups to protect them. He did not like his bath. He cried the whole time, so we made it quick. He had a lot of hospital gunk left on him so it was nice to wash it all off. Now it is time to change the bandages and take a look for the first time.
He has some cotton balls in his ears. Because of the tubes in his ears, he will bleed out of them for a few days. It gives the blood somewhere to go. There wasn't a lot of blood.
The old implants used to have huge incisions. Now they are so thin, there is just one. Right behind the ear. Then they can slide it in. It is pretty amazing. They had to shave a little of his hair, but not much. There is some bruising and swelling, but it looks pretty good we think.

We know that there will still be some blood today, so we don't want him completely without bandaging. So we down graded to his hat. We put some more cotton in his ears and some gauze over them. The hat will hold it in place. It will also provide some padding so if he lays on his side, hopefully it won't hurt too much.
Colton seems to like his new look and quickly gets down to play.

We have some really great friends and a couple of them brought by some things for Colton. He loves his new ball. He especially loves to throw it down the stairs. I like his expression in this picture. He thinks he's pretty cool.
He also loves his balloons. We saw some pretty great smiles. Thank you so much for the gifts.

Colton ate some more solid food for dinner. Some crackers with peanut butter. He played the rest of the evening. It took some major rocking time to get him to settle down, but he was in bed by 9:30. His night wasn't great, but not horrible either. He woke up at 2:30 and got some IB Profin. I held him for about an hour and finally put him back down. He was up again at 5 and his cry was one of pain. So we gave him some Loritab and he was back in bed at 6. He was up for the morning a little after 7 and seems happy. We decided to give him some breathing room and took off the hat and bandages and he is playing now. Just a few moments ago he has once again emptied my cup drawer and they are all over the kitchen floor. We are going to take it easy again today. Try to be on his normal schedule, which means a nap after lunch. The boys come home tonight so we will see how life will be tomorrow.

The Surgery

2011-08-06T13:10:00.008-06:00

The day has finally come. It seems as if everything we have been doing this summer has been leading up to this surgery. The afterwards in unknown territory, but is full of hope. We are so happy with how the surgery went and how everything turned out. We know that we have done something for Colton that will help him in his future and give him choices and options in the future. We love him so very much. Here is a little recap of our day and an update of how Colton is doing today.

We had to be at the hospital at 6 am. We got Colton up and put him in the car. When we got to the hospital it was very busy. There were 9 other kids there before Colton. So we had some waiting time. Colton stuck close to us for the first little bit. He is always more nervous with lots of people around. Then he branched out and played. They finally called us back about 7. We changed him, weighed him and they did he vitals.

When they took us to the second waiting room, it was 7:30 and we didn't have to wait at all. The doctor was there ready for us. They gave us his new bear friend who we have named COCO because it is the Cochlear bear and also has implants for Colton to put in it. He immediately put the implant in his mouth. (don't worry, it isn't real!) The doctor said "Hey, those don't go in your mouth." We said, "that's where he puts his hearing aids too."

We walked down to the doors and handed him off to the anesthesiologist. Here he is looking at the lights in the hall. Then we headed off the waiting room to wait. The surgery took just under 3 hours which was amazing. The surgeon said that it couldn't have gone better and he was able to do full insertion. Sometimes they can't fully insert the electrodes into the cochlea. So we were very happy it went so well.
We had to wait about another hour before they let us see him. They only let one parent back first so of course, it was me. I had the first looks at him. He was crying when I went back to him and the nurse was holding him. He saw me and reached for me and I took him and sat down. He calmed down mostly, but was still obviously disoriented and groggy. It took him a good 20 minutes to settle back into a semi-sleep state. They told me then that we would be staying the night and were moving us as soon as they had a bed ready. Then dad could back and see him too.

They settled us into a observation room. He was not admitted into the hospital. It is called a 24 hour watch. It is billed differently and makes it easier to leave. We held him for a while and just hung out. We decided to go for a walk and put him in a wagon. We pulled him around the whole hospital. We started with the 4th floor and were able to visit one of our old nurses from the NICU. She came out and saw him. Then we continued walking the halls, floor by floor. When we got back, he took more pain meds and feel asleep. We were able to relax a bit more when we got a surprise.
The doctors had been monitoring him all day and felt that he didn't need to stay. He was holding up his oxygen and handling all his pain medication fine. So about 5:00 we headed home. This is right before we left the hospital.
He did fine in the car, but didn't fall asleep. When we got home he was obviously in some pain, so we gave him more meds and he fell asleep on me. He slept for about 2 hours.

Colton did throw up 2 times. We started feeding him a little bit. Not much of an appetite, but he took it. I rocked him and rocked him and finally was able to lay him in his bed just after midnight. I went to sleep and woke up to check on him often. He started crying about 3:30 am and Phil took him for the rest of the night. They both slept for some of it, but mostly he just sat with Phil. At 7:00 I took a turn. He wanted to get down, so I let him and he decided to play and walk around. He picked up blankets and toys. He crawled up and down the stairs. He would come back and take a bite of food, then walk away. His balance was good. He even smiled.

He settled down for a nap and has now been in bed for just over 2 hours. When he wakes up we will give him a little bath, from the neck down and take off the "princess Leah" head gear. Then if we can stomach it, we will take a look at the incision. I can tell that he isn't back to normal and we will keep him drugged up for the rest of the day, but I have been so worried about how he would be after the surgery. It is so hard to decide to put your child through such a major surgery. I love to see him up and walking around. And I love that he is still making noises and banging spoons on metal chairs to see if he can hear it. And I love having the hope, that he will soon be able to hear it. Now Colton gets to heal. And on Sept.1, he is scheduled to be turned on. And we will start the next part of this journey.

Because You Care

2011-08-03T09:51:00.002-06:00

Shelli always gets after me saying, "You know, you can post on the blog, too." I bet she doesn't think I even know how to log in to post an entry. Well, Shelli, I do know how. - Phil

Yesterday morning as I was about to leave my driveway for a bike ride before work, a neighbor jogged by and said, "It's almost the day!" The sun was not yet up and I just figured she was making some comment about how the day hadn't even started yet and here we were out exercising. She then mentioned Colton's surgery is in three days.

I thought about this during my ride. People know Colton's surgery is coming up. People care that Colton's surgery is coming up. There are so many wonderful people out there who don't even know Colton who know his surgery is coming up.

I can't tell you all how very much I appreciate the fact that you know about his surgery and are concerned for the welfare of Colton and our family. We are so blessed to have you in our lives. It is very humbling to stop and think about how many people consciously think about my family and if we are taken care of.

The stresses of Colton's deafness and his upcoming surgery are different on me, as a father and as a provider. I worry more about the financial side of things and I'm not around Colton all day to see how much it impacts every aspect of our family life and how it has changed the dynamic of our family. I just want to all to know, again, how grateful I am that you are willing to help look after my family. Whether your contribution is a phone call, a meal, a $2 donation, babysitting, or a simple thought about Colton and how he is doing, your care is appreciated and we could never get through this without you!

Thank You!

2 More Days!

The One We Feed

2011-07-31T09:37:00.005-06:00

When I just imported my pictures off my camera, I realized that I never posted any pictures of Chase's baptism. I feel really bad. My whole life has been centered around these cochlear implants, but I don't want to forget the things that are happening. A friend that I have on Facebook posted this a few days ago

An old Cherokee told his grandson, "My son, there's a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, & ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, & truth." The boy thought about it & asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee quietly replied, "The one you feed".

I really liked this. It is really easy to go down the wrong road and focus on the wrong things. Especially when things are happening that are our of your control. These implants are important, but we have other things going on too. Time to get back on track. Here are some pics of some fun things that we have been up to these past few weeks.

Chase was baptised on July 9. We are so proud of Chase for choosing to be baptised. I know that he doesn't understand everything yet, but he knows that he has made a good choice and I have seen him trying to make good choices since then. Great Job Chase!

Phil took some time off of work and we went to Cherry Hill. It was our first time as a whole family. I don't have many pictures because I don't carry a camera around when there is water, but I took a break half way through and took some pictures of the kids in the pool. We took Colton down the waterslide first and he didn't love it. I think it ruined the rest of the day for him because he would cry if he even got splashed. But he liked walking around and exploring.

We also went to a Demolition Derby as a family. Boy was it fun. The boys loved watching the cars crash. We had front row seats which means that we got sprayed with dirt sometimes too.
Logan couldn't sit still. If there was music, he was up and dancing. It was hilarious!
Between heats they did some jousting. Yes, Actual medieval jousting. With the horses and armor and everything. I found it quite stupid that these men would do this. They were bragging about how dangerous it is and how much it hurts. I don't understand why you would intentionally inflict pain. But the boys though it was exciting to watch.

You're Invited to a Pity Party

2011-07-22T21:24:00.002-06:00

I know that I should have posted sooner. We have had a lot going on. A lot of really great things. The Yogo Togo fundraiser was great. We had a great family day at Cherry Hill. Phil and I enjoyed a 3 day, 2 night get away made possible by people in our ward who also provided out kids with a great adventure. It was fantastic.

It was like a second honeymoon for Phil and I and we had a great time. We had a great room. We enjoyed a couples massage. We saw Harry Potter (and Phil would be excited about Transformers 3!) We shopped and ate out and slept in and golfed and talked about things other than money and cochlear implants. The kids had a great time too. They went to peoples houses and had sleep overs. They watched movies and went to Arctic Circle. They swam and went to Boondocks. It was all so great.

But this week has been a pity party for me for some reason. I think that it is my fears of Coltons upcoming surgery. I know that it is the right thing for us to do, but with the surgery now only 2 weeks away, I am worried about everything. The actual surgery. The money. The recovery. How it is going to work. Is it going to change him. Will he hate it. Is it the best thing for him. Why isn't he signing yet. Am I not signing enough. What if he just cries and cries after. My mind is just constantly worrying about it and it is making it hard for me to be grateful. Even with all the great things happening, I am allowing my imaginary monsters (as my parents call them) to take over. I am sorry. I need to repent. There isn't time for a pity party. Time to snap out of it. Tomorrow is some more family time, I guess it will be a test to see if I can let go any just enjoy.

Down From the High

2011-07-07T21:31:00.002-06:00

It is finally quiet here at the Rosbach house. The last few days have been a little strange. I feel like I have been coming down off the high that was the 4th of July weekend. It was so busy and so crazy and so special and so emotional. It has been a little bit hard to recover from. My brain seems to be always going and sleep is sometimes hard to come by. I am sure that my family will appreciate when I get over it and start cleaning and cooking real food again!

Many of you know that the Deaf Mentor program was cut. It turns out that they laid off all but 1 deaf mentor who is supposed to service the whole state of Utah. We are still supposed to receive services because Colton is under age 3. They "only" cut it for age 4 and up. But what they didn't tell us is that it won't be in our home anymore. We will have to drive to either SLC or Ogden on a certain day of the week at a certain time. Which is in the afternoon so there is no chance that Phil can go. I have been super frustrated and upset by the misleading information that they have been putting out there. Since my brain doesn't shut off, I took the free time I had at midnight to write a letter to the superintendent of USDB to tell him what I thought about all these cuts. Of course, he hasn't responded, but I think I might make a habit of emailing him and being a thorn in is paw. But this politic stuff really drives me crazy and I'm not sure I am cut out for it. I guess I don't really have a choice though. If I don't fight for Colton, who will??

Our 4th of July Weekend

2011-07-05T22:45:00.005-06:00

Our weekend started on Friday night with a concert in the park put on by Uncle Frank and his band Channel Z. We had mcdonalds and listened to them sing all their 80's songs and enjoyed the night. The boys ran through the fountain in the park and got soaked. We weren't prepared for that, so they rode home wrapped in blankets and we actually had the heater on in the car. It was a fun night.

On Saturday morning we went to the Centerville parade. Our therapist, Paula, lives on the parade route and she invited us to come and sit in her front yard. She had several of her families there and we were able to meet some other people who have had some of the same experiences and frustrations that we have had. Her yard is also nice and shady, so we were very comfortable and the boys got lots of candy!

Of course you have all heard about our interview with KSL. That was Saturday afternoon. After they left we had a BBQ with all my college roommates and their families. We pulled out the slip n slide and Phil and Hunter built a "kid wash" out of PVC pipes. It was so great seeing them all again and meeting their children. I wish I took pictures to share. I guess we will just have to do it again!

We enjoyed our Sunday at church and with our family for FHE. We always enjoy when we spend time with our family.

Monday was the big day. The parade was nuts. I couldn't believe how many people there were. It was amazing. The boys loved it.

Look at that crowd. It was unbelievable!

Our fabulous road crew. Thank you all for your help.

At the festival we met a lot of people at the booth who came by to support us. We are so grateful for you all. There were also some fun things at the festival. This is Logan and his cousin Samantha participating in a dance contest.
And of course, what is the 4th of July without fireworks. It was a great show. Colton loved it. He watched them light up the sky and just smiled.
I have to say that I had way more attention than I usually like. It was strange to be in the parade and show off my family. But I am so grateful to Emilee and Katrina for putting this together and to all the volunteers, those who donated, and families who wore our shirts. We love you all!

KSL News Story

2011-07-03T09:57:00.003-06:00

Our friend who has been organizing the fundraiser on the 4th of July is a mail carrier. She was on her route and was talking to a lady about Colton and his fundraiser. This lady told her that her daughter is a reporter for KSL and gave our friend her contact info. Sara Dallof then contacted us through her and asked if they could come interview us.

We were very nervous to have them come and we probably rambled a lot, but Sarah and her photographer Brian were very good and we enjoyed our time with them. We were very happy with how the story turned out. We thought it gave the message that we wanted it to. Here is a link to the video. I hope it works. If not you can find it on Colton Goes Cochlear facebook page.

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=16221617

The boys stayed up late and were so excited to see themselves on the news. Chase was very funny before and was worried about how he would look. We are very grateful for this opportunity to give Colton this publicity and for all those people helping out and donating. It is very humbling to have everyone helping us, but it is a great example to Phil and I and our children of service and we hope that we can serve and give back to others.

Phil has set up a paypal account for Colton. We have posted the link on the side of the page. You can click the donate button and it will take you there. And of course there is the account set up at America First if you want to go through there. Thank you again!

Upcoming Events for Colton Goes Cochler

2011-07-01T07:42:00.001-06:00

Take a look below and check out our upcoming fundraisers for Colton.

4th of July Family Carnival and Parade

Monday, July 4 · 10:00am - 10:30pm

Location: Family Festival at DATC in Kaysville
550 South Main Street
Kaysville, UT

Hello all!! On the 4th of July this year we will be holding a fundraiser for Colton Goes Cochlear!! We will have a booth at the Family Festival in Kaysville on the 4th of July. 10 am to 10:30 pm. We will be selling cookies, suckers, brownies, vinyl-on-wood and vinyl on tile crafts, and jewerly. All proceeds go to the cost of Colton's surgery. Everyone come and check it out!!

Cool Down for the Summer with some Treats

Two businesses in Kaysville are participating in fundraisers for Colton! Mention Colton when you go on the date listed below and part of your purchase will be donated on that day. Please no coupons, stamping or gift certificates; this is for Colton!

Thursday, July 7: YogoTogo(240 N 300 W Kaysville, UT)

Saturday, July 9: Pa's Ice Cream and Candy Company (44 S Main St Ste 4 Kaysville, UT - by Academy Music)

We are so grateful to everyone for putting on these fundraisers for Colton. We appreciate all of your help. Check out ColtonGoesCochlear Facebook page for more info.

Tubes, Scales and Tails

2011-06-22T21:42:00.006-06:00

I know the title of this post is very enticing. It just draws you in. Our life is a fun mishmash of very odd things sometimes.

First: Tubes
We woke Colton up bright and early on Tues morning to head to Primary Childrens for what we consider a major step towards his implants. Colton needs to have tubes put in his ears. He had tubes placed last year, but over the year, has lost one and plugged up the other and has had issues with fluid in both ears. There can be no fluid in his ears at the time of surgery because of the risk of infection. So we took him down for his same day surgery.

Colton didn't love the pre-surgery exam. He was a little grumpy and clung to daddy a bit.
But when we moved to the waiting area, Colton quickly found things that didn't make him grumpy. He was all over that room. We waited for the surgeon and the anaesthesiologist to come talk to us. Then they took him in a wagon down to the OR.

We were very happy to have the surgery be so quick. They didn't even start an IV. They put him out with gas and he woke up very quickly and pretty happy. We drank his juice and wanted to get down and walk around. They did give him a narcotic in the OR, so we had to wait to be sure the did fine, and when he walked, he was a little bit wobbly. But he did so great. This is by far the best experience that we have had in that recovery room. And we have had a few. Lets hope the next one goes well.

Here Colton was trying to put his ear drops in his ears all by himself. I just thought it was cute.

Onto Tails and Scales:

At our library this evening we got to see and learn about reptiles. The guy was very entertaining and told lots of funny and sometimes gross jokes. The boys got to see some lizards and snakes. He let them touch them. Logan sat on the floor until he brought out a tarantula and then he sat on my lap. It was a fun time.

You can see Chase fighting his way to touch the snake. He is in bright orange.

And Hunter got a turn. Can you find him?

A big and blurry turtle.

Medicaid Update

2011-06-17T21:13:00.002-06:00

Okay,so Phil checked his email yesterday morning and we finally heard back from Medicaid. We were denied. There are 2 parts of the eligibility process. The first part is the medical part, and the second is our financial part. Well, following their little calculations, however they figure them out, our total assets cannot be over $2000.00. The put us at $2068.00 so we are a big fat denied.

Well obviously we were pretty upset. I mean, come on, $68.00. So Phil gets dressed and heads to Primary Children's because they have a guy there that we have been working with. Of course he isn't there. There is a sign on his door saying he will be out of the office. Phil tries to call him, no luck. He tries to call the person that is covering for him, no luck. He calls the people at medicaid who were helping us pull all of Carlton's records and he talks to them. They read through the ruling and Phil finds out something interesting. On the medical side, Colton was approved. In fact, they approved him since birth and for the next 4 years. Usually you have to reapply every year. She actually told Phil that he has 30 days to reapply and that he should get rid of some money.

So Phil is trying to figure out who he needs to talk to to find out some more info. Is it possible to get rid of some money so that we qualify? After making calls all day he finally gets a hold of the supervisor of the guy at Primary's. By a small miracle this guy actually answers his phone. Phil tells him the situation and the guy looks at our stuff. He makes it clear that the max is $2000.00. 1$ over or 68$ is doesn't matter. But as he looks at our stuff he sees something that doesn't make sense. He thinks that they have applied some income to Colton where they shouldn't have. So he gets Phil's number and says he is going to look into it and call him back.

Well, turns out, they made a mistake. Because we are applying for Colton and not the whole family, there are some things that they can't apply. So with the new calculations, Colton was approved for medicaid. Yay. It is different than we thought though. We still make too much, so we have to pay monthly for it. Like a second insurance. And it isn't cheap. But they will help pay for the surgery, so we will use them for a few months. We don't know how much they will approve for surgery, so we still won't know much until just before the surgery, but the surgery will happen on August 5. Everything is working out. It always seems to be difficult and stressful, but it does work out.

I was reading my scriptures and this is what I came across, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28. It hit me so hard that I was called for this purpose. To be Coltons mother. And he was called to be here on earth at this time with his trials. It really is the Lords plan for us. It is our purpose. And I know that things will always work out. It is still hard. Oh, so hard. But they do work out.

Neighborhood Pary and Auction!

2011-06-11T22:04:00.006-06:00

Today was our big neighborhood party and the Silent Auction for Colton put on by our neighbors. Last night we spent hours decorating bikes with the kids so they could ride them in the parade. I remember doing this as a kid and I was excited to have this chance to do it with my own kids.

This one of Logan is a little blurry because I was running to keep up with him.
The parade led us up to the school where there was face painting, 3 legged races, balloons, fishing, snow cones, cotton candy, BBQ lunch and of course, the auction.

The auction was amazing. My dad says that for there to be givers, there has to be receivers. I understand this concept, but being the receiver is not something I am comfortable with. It is a very humbling experience to be the receiver by so many givers. I didn't expect to see so much today. There was so much donated and so much bought. To see all the items lined up on tables that were all donated to benefit my son, was very emotional. It brought tears to my eyes. There are no words...

This Jazz signed basketball went for $150.00This painting by our neighbor went for $300.00
There was art, services, toys, movies, even a violin and a drum. I don't know the final total that was raised, but I know that it was a lot. Thank you all so much. I hope that next time, I can be the giver.

We have a date (or two)

2011-06-09T21:52:00.002-06:00

Today was a busy day. We started off at our Ear, Nose, Throat (ENT) doctor bright and early at 8:45. He looked at Colton's ears and determined that he has lost the tube in his left ear. We were hoping that Colton could do without replacing it, but alas, there is fluid behind the ear drum and so the tube will need to be replaced. We left there saying we would call based on what Dr Shelton says at our appointment later.

We came home for a few quiet hours at home and then it was off to my moms to drop off the older boys and onto University Hospital to meet the Cochlear Implant surgeon. I was told that he is always late, so we planned to be waiting for a while. But to our surprise, they took us right back. In fact, it wasn't even 4:00 yet, which was our appointment time. We met the resident first who took Coltons history and pulled up his old test results. Then we met Dr. Shelton. He examined Colton's ears (which Colton doesn't like very much!) and he too saw the fluid in his ear. And he thinks that Colton would be a good candidate for an implant. He answered our questions and sent us to talk to Sherry, who I call our travel agent from now on.

We have scheduled the surgery for August 5. But there are a few snags:

First: The tube will need to be replaced 1 month-6 weeks before the surgery. So we will have to call our ENT doc and see how quickly he can fit Colton into his schedule. There can be absolutely no fluid in Colton's ears when he has the CI surgery. The risk for infection is too high.

Second: Medicaid! This is a big snag. Sherry said that all medicaid requires about 30 days before we can do the surgery. So if we hear back at the end of June, that barely gives us 30 days before the scheduled surgery. So we have to hear from medicaid by the end of the month at the latest.

So both of these things have to work out for us to make the August 5 date. If they don't, then we will move to Sept. 3. I have to admit I was a little surprised to walk out of there with a date. I am a little freaked out, and excited at the same time. But I do still feel that this is the right thing for Colton. So we will just continue to pray that things will work out, and if they don't, we know that we are in the Lords hands.

Our Fun Adventure

2011-06-06T22:55:00.002-06:00

Today started out like a normal day. We worked hard to get things done. I made the kids do chores. (I know, Mean Mom.) and I worked on laundry. So after putting my 3rd load in, I smelled some gas in my basement. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination or not, but it seemed to be there still when I went down to check again. I called Phil, but there wasn't much he could do over the phone. We have 2 firefighters in on our street so I called one and asked if he was home. He was at work, so I told him my concern. He told me to call the fire department and gave me the number. So I did. They told us to leave the house til they got there.

The boys were excited to see the truck come. We waited and heard the sirens. I sent Colton to our neighbors because the nice day decided to turn very windy and rainy while we were standing outside our house.

Anyway, the fireman did not detect anything in the house. They walked around the house and checked the meter and at that moment the wind stopped and they got some readings around the meter. It wasn't a lot, but there isn't supposed to be any. They told me they don't know how I smelled such a small amount. So they called the gas company and we waited. The fireman all got in their truck and waited in front of my house and I went to the neighbors with the kids until the gas company got here. It was about an hour. The fireman left after they told the gas man what they found. He started digging around the meter and sure enough, there was a leak in the pipe. It wasn't big, and it was buried, but it was there. I was relieved that I wasn't crazy.

They came back and fixed it tonight. Our house was safe they said, but it feels safer knowing it is all fixed. It was a crazy day and I am grateful to my neighbors who harbored us. And thanks Janette for making us dinner. It would have been a fast food night, and yours was much better.

I have no doubt that we were protected today and I am very grateful to my Heavenly Father for again answering our prayers.

Colton's Story

2011-06-02T00:19:00.002-06:00

I have added a new link on the side of my page called Colton's Story. It is a new blog that I set up for him that tells all about his journey. If you have friends who are interested, it is a great place to send them for info. I really appreciate all the positive feedback that we have received about his facebook page. I am starting to believe that we might be able to raise some money to help out and it is a huge boulder off our shoulders. The insurance has been very difficult to deal with lately. They are telling us that some pretty important things are not covered. I am hoping that the people we are talking to just don't know their policies well and that they really will cover some of these things.

A few updates: We met with Colton's physical therapist and she said that since he is walking, that we don't need to see her anymore. Yay! one down, 4 more to go. It is just one less appointment to worry about.

This is the last week of school and we are looking forward to having the boys home. I think we are anyway. Now I need to get creative and try to keep us all busy so we don't fight too much. If any of you know about any free things to do here I would appreciate you letting me know. We are all about saving money these days, but I don't want to have a boring summer either.

Once again, thank you all for thinking about us and helping us out. I don't know what I would do without you.

Colton Goes Cochlear

2011-05-29T22:34:00.002-06:00

My wonderful friends have put up a facebook page for Colton. It has some events listed for some fundraisers and it will be updated regularly. Please check it out by clicking on the link on the right side of my bog. It is called Colton goes Cochlear. Please like the page and check back to see the updates. It is in the beginning stages right now, but more will be added.

CI Evaluation

2011-05-27T12:55:00.003-06:00

So yesterday we had our first CI evaluation with our audiologist. I had planned to be there an hour like our usual appointments, but was quickly told that this would be a longer appointment. So I had to make some arrangements with my babysitters (Thanks Cindy and Chris) and then we could relax into the testing.

It actually all went pretty quickly. Colton was not having a good hearing day, so it was all pretty consistent. Phil sat with him in the booth and our therapist was in there also to help keep him calm and occupied. They were talking to him and putting tones in the booth. No response from Colton. They couldn't go too high on the DB (Decibel) level because of Phil and Paula being in there and they kind of like their hearing. So they put some ear buds in Colton's ears. Then they really turned up the volume. No response from Colton even at 115 db. (a lawn mower is around 90db) They had me talk to him and he did respond to my voice at 95 db. But that is still really loud. So the booth testing was easy. No response from Colton at anything other than a profoundly deaf level.

The next testing was a timpanogram. This checks the pressure behind the ear drum. Colton had tubes put in last year. 1 tube is out and the other is still in. The test showed the one with the tube out has some pretty severe pressure behind the ear drum. The ear with the tube looks great. So that means we will have to have the tube put back in the left ear before he can get implants. So i more procedure do to this summer.

The last test is a lot like the newborn hearing screen. They put a tone in the ear and see if it "echos" back. His results were typical with auditory neuropathy. He did have some echos, but it wasn't consistent.

After all this testing, we moved on to the implants themselves. There are 3 brands of implants that are available. They are all the same price, they all perform the same, but are different in their "options" or BLING as we call it. They come in different colors. They have "skins" that you can get to cover them that have designs. 2 of the 3 have remote controls. 2 of the 3 are water resistant. The microphones are in different places on all of them. IPODS can plug into all of them in different ways. It was a lot of information and it gives Phil and I a lot to think about.

We are still dealing with some insurance things and we are still waiting for medicaid information, but we are sure that things will come together. It is a long road that we are starting. But we are so grateful for the support that we receive.

Learning to listen

2011-05-25T10:38:00.002-06:00

My goal is to do Colton's learning to listen sounds everyday. This is a therapy where I gather a bunch of items like: a car, a cow, a horse, a duck, a bus, a boat, ect. We sit down and I tell Colton to listen. I do the sound for that item like: BRRRRBRRRR for a car or MOOO MOOO for a cow. Then I bring the object out and show him. The whole idea is that he will start to look and recognize the items when we make the sound. I haven't been very good about doing this. I have only done it one time this week. I need to do better.

Tomorrow we go to our audiologist for our first CI (Cochlear Implant) evaluation. I am not really sure what to expect. I will keep you posted.

Our neighbors are putting together some fundraiser events. We are very humbled and grateful for their time and efforts on our behalf. The whole idea of a fundraiser is so overwhelming to me. Our wonderful friends have just taken over and have had meetings and come up with ideas that I never would have thought of in a million years. I will let you know when things start to happen and I hope that you can participate and let your friends know. The out of pocket medical costs are a great strain on our growing family. It is very humbling to be the recipient of such service. We appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Another One Moving On!

2011-05-23T14:49:00.004-06:00

Today was Logans Preschool graduation. His class prepared a program for the families and we got to see Logan sing and just be his cute self. He will start Kindergarten in the fall. He has been so excited about this program. We took Colton to the doctor before the program and he even sang on of his songs for the doctor. It is strange to have 3 of my boys in school everyday. Pretty soon all 4 of my boys will be gone. Then what will I do...

The kids sang a song called "Grandmas Glasses" They all had a pair of glasses to wear.

Logan and his friend Elle. Logan loves to go to Elle's house and will play there for hours.

As I mentioned before, we took Colton for his 2 year well baby checkup today. He weighed in at 17 lbs 3.5 oz. And is 30 inches tall. Still not on the charts, but he is starting to get a little closer. And he has gained back that pound that he lost when he was so sick last month. Overall he is looking really great. And did I post before that he is walking now? He is all over the place. It is so fun to see his little head walk by.

Another Season Over.

2011-05-21T22:10:00.002-06:00

Today Hunter and Chase played their last soccer games of the season. They both played against some very tough teams and they both lost their games. But they played so hard and they both have gotten so much better since the beginning of the season last fall. Chase is one of the fastest runners on his team. He is so good at being right on the ball.

Hunter has improved the most. He has gotten faster and more aggressive. I remember when he used to flinch every time the ball headed in his direction. Now he will throw his body in front of it to stop it if he needs to. He is a pretty good goalie too.

Next season I will have 3 boys playing. I hope that they don't overlap too much. I love to watch my boys play and sometimes the mother bear comes out and I have to sing church songs in my head to calm down. But I love how confident my boys are becoming and I hope that I can continue to encourage them to do their best.

Really, 2 years!!

2011-05-20T13:55:00.002-06:00

I know. I can't believe my little man is 2 years old either. It is kind of a weird time warp thing for me. In a lot of ways it seems fast, but with his development being so slow, it seems like it has taken forever too. Colton will always be one of those special little spirits that always keep me on my toes. I already have 3 others, what's one more right?
Coltons car cake. I had a lot of fun making this one. It didn't take too long and was able to use my own creativity a bit. It was fun to have the boys by my side offering bits of advice. (you should make a sunroof mom!) But in the end they approved of my handiwork and it was yummy too!

We taught my family how to sign the "Happy Birthday" song. What good sports they are to sing and sign to Colton. It brings tears to my eyes to know that I have such a supportive family. The words of encouragement and prayers that we receive from Phil's family and my own are what get us through the hard times.

Colton didn't quite know what do with the cake. Chase blew out the candle and we enjoyed. Colton had a "wheel." Which I found the next day on the floor by his highchair with all the frosting licked off. Atleast he liked the frosting.

Now to switch gears a little bit. I know that I haven't posted much lately. I feel like I have been in a slump just getting from day to day and I realized this week that it wasn't going to work like that anymore. With Colton turning 2 years old we have decided to go ahead and start the process of cochlear implants. It has taken a lot of prayer and thought to come to this decision and the idea of this surgery still really freaks me out. But both Phil and I feel good about our decision. We will be meeting with the surgeon in early June. We are waiting on some financial aid to hopefully come through and we are hoping to have the implants by the fall at the very latest. However, we have also decided that we will continue to use sign language and we feel that this will give him every opportunity to learn and develop. It is really hard to predict how Colton will best be able to learn. How can I deny him either chance? This in not a popular method with the doctors. The feeling is that if you implant your child, you should only use oral methods to teach them how to hear. I feel that even with the implants, my son is deaf, and I should give him any language I can and let him use whichever he will feel more comfortable with as he grows. I am feeling that I may have to get more involved which makes me really uncomfortable because I am not a strong, outspoken person. I feel like I need to step it up. I need to work harder on his therapies and on sign language. And there is an advocate group that is trying to get started here in Utah that I am thinking about getting involved with. I feel a change coming on in my life. So I am hoping that I can use this blog again as my journal. To help me keep track of our learning. I know that my Heavenly Father has given us Colton and he expects us to take care of him. It has completely changed our life and our lifestyle. It is time to move forward and see what Heavenly Father has in store for our little family.

Our Sick Easter Week.

2011-04-26T13:04:00.006-06:00

After a week like we have had, it is really easy to get into pitty party mode. Monday night last week Colton started throwing up. And he kept throwing up. About every 10 minutes from 11pm until 2:30 am. I have never in my life as a mom witnessed anything like it. I felt so incredibly helpless. Of course this kind of sickness takes it toll on a body and poor Colton spent most of the week being very lethargic, tired and weak. He lost 1 pound and we were worried about dehydration. I took him to the doctor and he thinks that Colton got some form of the rotavirus. He was immunized for this, but something still wormed its way in. 1 whole week later he is still not himself. He still throws up at random times and his appetite isn't back quite yet. I am starting to see the brightness return to his eyes and he is starting to play a bit more. Chase managed to get the bug for about 24 hours. I am glad that it wasn't as serious as Coltons case. Hunter and Logan have been sick free. I have picked up a very bad cold and the cough that I have hurts my whole body. I am ready for this to be over. It is slow going, but we are getting better.

Despite the sicknesses we had a very fun Easter. I am very grateful for my Savior and for the Atonement. Our family has had different experiences with the Atonement. We have been comforted many time throughout our trials. I can't express my gratitude enough for my Savior.

Here are some pictures of some the activities we were able to do:

Kaysville city has an annual Easter Egg Hunt. We have never been able to go before so we wanted to go this year. The City uses the big baseball complex. The divide each field by ages so that the older kids aren't running over the little kids. The grass is covered with eggs, candy, gift certificates to restaurants and more fun stuff. We barely made it on time. You can't be late because the field was picked clean in under 2 minutes!

We were able to dye Easter eggs. The boys LOVED this. They would dye eggs all night and all day if we would let them. Needless to say, most of their eggs turned out pretty dark blue-green because they kept dyeing each egg over and over again. It was really fun to watch them.

The Easter Bunny came and hid the boys baskets. They helped each other find them and found all their treats inside. The Easter bunny had a crazy week and was a little sad that he couldn't do a bit more, but it all works out in the end.

Thank you to all who have helped us out this past week with taking kids and dropping off little things that we needed. I appreciate all the help that you offer our family.

Spring Break with my Bedlamites!

2011-04-13T15:17:00.005-06:00

I started our spring break fresh off of General Conference in which my boys were appropriately described as bedlamites. I really love that word. I was a little worried about all the "bedlam" that they could create with a whole week off school and most of it spend under rain and snow. Which means that they are inside the whole time. A lot of our friends were going somewhere fun so we had to come up with some pretty fun things ourselves to keep us busy. Plus we saw Phil very little as he was preparing his company's tax return. I admit that I am lower on patience these days. It is something that Heavenly Father is constantly trying to teach me. I hope that I am getting better at it. Monday: We went to the bank today and the boys each took ten dollars out of their accounts. I promised them months ago that they could take some out once they earned enough. We went to the store and I gave them each another ten dollars and they were able to pick out a toy. Hunter wanted a binder and some paper so he could make mazes and a Lego set. Chase got a bakugan and a small Lego set. Logan got a dragon Lego set. They spend the rest of the day playing together and helping each other build their Lego sets. It was amazing. Tuesday: We went to the library and picked out some books. My plan was to enjoy the story time there with Logan, but the theme was "princesses." I don't know why he wasn't interested! I took them to McDonalds for lunch. They took turns taking Colton up and down the slide. It was really fun to watch them play together. Wednesday: This was our day away from home. We got up and out early and headed to the dinosaur museum in Lehi. We picked up Grandma on our way. We were the first ones in and it wasn't crowded at all. We were able to stop and play with what we wanted and stay for as long as we wanted.

Later I had a doctors appointment with Colton at the Primary's in Riverton. My mom kept my older boys. This was a GI specialist and I am happy to report that he said that he would not have to see Colton any more. YAY!! We stayed at my parents and my father very graciously bought us Chinese food for dinner. He told Logan it was "Dragon meat". Logan went with me and my mom to pick it up and he very cautiously walked in and looked around. He told the lady he was looking for dragons. It was pretty funny. He didn't eat it great even though we told him it wasn't dragon meat after all.

Thursday: The boys were itching to play today. They went to a friends house for a few hours and I had some peace and quiet. Then we switched and they all came to my house. They played so well together.

Friday: We actually got to see daddy today. He still went into work, but not the whole day. We played some Uno Attacks and the boys had fun ganging up on me. (led by daddy of course.) Then we went out to dinner. Phil also got the boys the movie "Tron Legacy." So they stayed up late watching it.

Saturday: We didn't do anything today. It snowed all day and soccer games were cancelled. We played some games, snacked on food, I read a book, the boys watched "Tron" again. It was a little weird with us all home, but we had a nice relaxing day.

All in all a pretty good spring break with little "bedlam". Chase did end up with a bloody nose Sunday night, but no other damage. I am glad to have these chances to spend with my kids and I glad that I stopped worrying and played with them a little. There is always so much to stress and worry about, it was nice to just stop and play.

Finally some SUN!

2011-03-31T22:01:00.002-06:00

What a beautiful day today was. It has been up and down all week and it was nice to finally see some sun and enjoy some time outside. I stole the remote control from the boys and made them go out. It was so nice that I joined them and we went on a little walk before dinner. After dinner we went on our first family bike ride. Phil surprised me last weekend by bringing me home a bike that he got for me with his T.V. fund money. What a sweetheart he is. He put some time into getting it all ready for me, we hooked up the kid carrier on the back, we threw in Logan and Colton, We all got on bikes and we were off. We rode to the grocery store where we got some doughnuts. I know, super healthy. It was so nice to get out and do something as a family. Little updates: Hunter and Chase are excited for "Lunch with someone Grand" tomorrow. They asked their Uncle Richard to come up and have lunch with them at the school. He is bringing them McDonalds and they can hardly wait!! Logan had his kindergarten orientation at school last week. He had a little trouble when we explained to him that he wasn't going to kindergarten the next day like he thought he was, but he has decided that he is okay to keep going to his preschool until it is time. Colton weighed in at 17lbs 1 oz on his doctor visit this week. He is walking more and more on his own and one day will decide that he can just do it all the time. His little bottom front tooth that we have been waiting for finally broke through and just last night he was laughing and Hunter said, "Colton grew another tooth!" And sure enough we looked in the back of his mouth and we have a molar. I know, crazy. So that brings the tooth count to 5. Tomorrow we are off to Primary's for a follow appointment with our GI doc. Wish us luck!

Results

2011-03-22T19:18:00.002-06:00

So we made it back after a long weekend of driving. Colton did really well. We got to the Hearing Center at the University of Colorado and met the people who were all there just for us because we found out that it is spring break for the school. They put me and Colton in a booth that has a TV, some speakers, some chairs and we brought in some toys. There was one other person in the booth with us. They put 5 little electrodes on his head and the goal was to keep him as still as possible and happy. They pumped in a very repetitive sound of "ba" into the booths at different decibel levels. The computer scanned his brain response to the sound. Halfway through I was able to switch with Phil so he was in the booth and I was outside and was able to see the scan. It is really cool. The computer is able to filter through all the things the brain is doing to pinpoint the hearing centers response to the "ba". This is called the P1 level. There are 3 categories: Normal, delayed and absent/abnormal. What this means is that compared to a "normal" child of Colton's age, we can see where his hearing center development is processing these sounds. A Normal P1 level means that his hearing center is in normal range compared to a hearing child. Delayed P1 means that it is not in the normal range, but that there is still a P1 response from the brain. Absent/abnormal means that the brain is not responding to the sound and there is no P1 level or that they are abnormal somehow.

Colton is in the Delayed P1 level. This means that his hearing aids have done enough to stimulate the hearing center in the brain, but that they are not enough to help him develop normally. Their opinion is that he would be a good candidate for a cochlear implant. It is good news to hear. We suspected that the hearing aids weren't doing enough for him.

There is one variable that they can't really comment on because there just isn't enough research and that is his prematurity. They are comparing his P1 levels to a normal 22 month old. Because of Colton's prematurity, we really can't pinpoint exactly where is development is. It could be that his brain is delayed because he was premature and given enough time with hearing aids his brain will catch up and he will be in the normal range. Only time can tell us that. We can wait for a while and see if he improves as he gets older. Or we could wait and he won't get enough stimulation in his hearing center and it could get worse because other things (like vision) will start to take over those hearing pathways. The brain really is amazing isn't it.

We are glad that we went out and did this test. We met some really great people who are passionate about this disability and are working to help people. We can't make our decision based on this test alone because it is brand new research, but it is another puzzle piece to our little puzzle that is Colton. Phil and I are leaning in the direction of an implant. We have started the process to see if we can get some help paying for it through medicaid. We won't hear from them for another few months to see if they decide that Colton qualifies. There are a lot of factors in this decision and I wish money wasn't one of them, but unfortunately it is. Our next appointment with our audiologist is in April. We will see where we will go from there.

I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers for us. I really couldn't do it without all your support. Especially to my parents and Richard and Kathy who took care of my other boys this weekend so that Phil and I could go and not worry one minute about them. Thank you.

The University of Colorado

2011-03-17T20:52:00.004-06:00

I thought it was time for me to do an update. On the first Sunday of the month we were at my parents house for our monthly Family Home Evening. I got a call from Paula who is our PIP (Deaf Parent Infant Program)therapist. She was very excited because she was at a conference and had just seen a presentation on some brand new research on Auditory Neuropathy. For those who don't know, Colton has been diagnosed with Auditory Neuropathy. What is means is that for reasons unknown, Colton hears sometimes and doesn't sometimes. We don't know what he hears when he does. But this adds an extra element than just being deaf and it makes things a bit more tricky with the cochlear implant. Anyway this doctor at the University of Colorado is doing a study on it and gave a presentation. Paula talked to her about Colton and she offered to do the testing on Colton for free if we came out to Colorado. The testing is a brain scan and they do NOT use any anesthesia or shots or anything. He will be awake and active. What they are trying to show with this study is if a child with auditory neuropathy will be successful with an implant. Of course that would be some helpful information to have since we are in the process of trying to make a decision. It is just a study, but they have been very successful with the 21 or so kids they have tested so far. I can do into more detail, but it gets pretty complicated. Anyway, we have decided to go out to Colorado this next weekend. We will drive out with Colton. Our appointment in at 9:00 am Monday the 21. We are excited for this opportunity to see some different testing that may be able to give us some extra information to help us make this very difficult decision.

Tonight was Hunter and Chase's big Arts night for their school. It was in the high school gym and each grade performed dance numbers.

This is Logan with his friend Kail. They were very excited to see the dancers.
The 2nd grade did the "YMCA". The kids were asked to dress up as one of the original Village People. Yes I am serious. Chase is the little construction worker. Can you find him?

The 3rd grade did the "Boot Scootin Boogie." Hunter was concentrating so hard as he did the line dance. He was right in the front row which never happens because he is so tall.

Some thought and some fun.

2011-03-03T15:11:00.007-07:00

I posted another entry after this one, so please continue on down to the next when you are finished with this one.

I find myself kind of emotional today. Last night our therapist came and she allowed us to hear some "simulations" of what a person with an implant hears. She did this more for my boys sake. She warned me that it would be hard for me to hear but it is important for them (and us) to realize that this implant does not mean that he will hear like we do. My boys really needed to understand this as they have taken a little bit of an attitude when we have tried to get them to sign saying that he will have the implant and they won't need to sign. (let me just add a disclaimer that we have not decided yet if we are going to implant, but have been looking into finance options and researching it) Anyway, she wanted them to hear what Colton will hear if we choose to implant him. So we listened to some simulations. It was very hard to hear them. Let me just say that I think the possibility of giving someone hearing is amazing. I really do. But knowing that my child will not ever hear normally and hearing what he will hear was very emotional for me. I am not supposed to feel like he is "broken." And I don't. However, I do grieve for what he will never have. We heard a song played how he would hear it. And I thought, "This isn't so bad." It sounded like a marching band. Some drums beating. We were all even dancing a little bit to the beat. Then it played the song for real and guess what? It wasn't a band song. Infact, it was a classical music song. It shouldn't even really have a beat. That was hard to swallow. I grieve for my son to not be able to enjoy the same things. But I know that he is not broken, and will be able to enjoy it for what it is. It is really quite conflicting. So I find myself feeling emotional and still unsure about what is the right thing for my son. And a little bit mad that I have to make this decision in the first place.

But onto some fun. I snapped a few pictures. I think that Colton looks particularly grown up in this one: There is just something about his eyes.

He was having some fun with a plastic spoon. You know the old sayings, you spend money on toys and they play with the box!
I found a quiet moment of Logan and Colton playing together. I just had to snap a pic before the moment ended.

Chase saw me and decided to join in the fun.

These next few pictures were Logan playing with my camera. I thought that they were pretty fun and I wanted to share. Logan is changing. He just might be ready for kindergarten after all. But I love to see his silly side.

Oh, and just one more "fun" tidbit: I found Colton today climbing to the very top of the ladder of the bunkbed in Hunter and Logans room. Yep "Fun".

3 Deposits Please!

2011-03-03T15:00:00.003-07:00

So I meant to post this last weekend, but didn't. We had opened some bank accounts for the boys a few months ago. They have been working hard and saving up so they could put in their first deposit. I told them that I would match whatever they put in. So they were excited to have me write them a check. We took them in the bank and it was pretty quiet. So all the workers were watching and they all thought that our boys were pretty cute putting their money in the bank. They even took the boys into the small vault and let them see where the money goes.

Hunter and Chase check to make sure they have their deposits ready.
Of course after a trip to the bank we always get to enjoy a sucker!

Hunter was too busy trying the make the ladies laugh. He kept making silly faces!

Snowballs and SnowAngels

2011-02-21T15:52:00.004-07:00

I got brave today and I bundled us all up and we went up to the school to go sledding. Yes I know. I am crazy! It wore me out, but it was so fun. I feel like I got a good workout going up and down the hill with a baby on my back. Now I have set the kids to be babysat in front of the TV while I am laying in my bed with my feet up. I am glad that we went though. It is fun to forget about sign language and laundry and just enjoy some time laughing with my little warriors. Enjoy the pics!
Hunter said we needed to try Colton out on a little hill in front of our house.

We are all ready to go.

In case you are wondering about the feet that I am dragging down the hill behind me, don't worry, no boys were hurt in the making of this photo. That is Chase who decided to follow us down the hill.

Can it Really be True...

2011-02-11T21:15:00.002-07:00

The day has finally come. Colton is officially off of oxygen!!!! Yes it is true. We did the overnight test last night. I was worried and got up a few times to check and see if he was still above 90. This morning I got dressed, got kids off to school, and cruised up to Ogden to drop off the monitor that recorded our night. I was hoping that I would hear from the doctor, but you never know. It is Friday. He called about 4:00 this afternoon. And you already know the verdict. The test showed that he stayed in the low to mid 90s. He does want us to hang onto the oxygen for a few weeks just to be safe. So in a few weeks I can call him, and he will send the order to the oxygen people and then we will finally get all these tanks out of our house. No more stickers, no more tubes, no more tanks, no more monitors. I am so excited!!

Oh, and a side note, whoever the morons are that proposed to close the Deaf and Blind Schools voted not to close it because there are so many kids who need it (DUH!) and it wouldn't really save money because they would still have to provide schooling for those kids (DOUBLE DUH!) So I guess I should be happy that for now they have made the right decision. It still really irks me that they could even consider it though. So I guess we won't up and move out of Utah just yet. But I am not sure this is over yet. It will be interesting to see what happens next.

WARNING: I am in a mood right now. Continue at your own risk.

2011-02-08T20:34:00.002-07:00

So many of you might have heard the recent news about the proposed funding cut and the closures of the Deaf and Blind Schools. I hope that the state of Utah isn't so stupid as to actually consider alienating such a large portion of the population. The fact that they would even consider closing down the schools shows me how little they care about deaf and blind people.

I am so overwhelmed with my life. As if I don't have enough to worry about already. I have to make life changing decisions for my family and my sons. I have to decide if I am going to drill a hole in my child's skull so that MAYBE he will be able to speak and hear. And we have to figure out how to pay for it. I have to somehow impress upon my little children that learning sign language is NOT optional. That this is our new life. That if they ever want to be able to communicate with their brother they need to learn this. And then I have to teach them. Oh yeah, and we still have school, work, laundry, doctors appointments and all those other normal mundane things. And now I have stupid people running the state of Utah who want to take away my only source of help. All the programs will go away if they close the schools. I will have no support, no help, no one to teach us sign language or guide us through this life altering change.

I don't understand the politics of all this. All I know is that I am a mom of a deaf child. All I want is to give my son the best possible chance to learn and grow and succeed. I don't know what I am doing. There is no manual for this. I don't understand how my choices can be taken away from me. I don't understand why things have to be so hard. (I warned you)

Hunters Birthday and Heart Doctor News.

2011-02-02T21:06:00.006-07:00

As promised in an earlier post, here is a picture where you can see my sweet man's little teeth.

For Hunter's birthday we took the kids to Fat Cats and did some bowling, ate some junk food and played some arcade games. We told Hunter he could invite one person, so his cousin Spencer came with us.

Logan would do a little dance after he sent his ball rolling. He was so funny to watch.

Check out Chase's split at the end of the lane. I don't know how he did it. I have never seen a split like that before.

The kids got some balloons. Hunter got a dragon. Spencer got a purple people eater (which my kids had never heard of before this!) Chase got a dog, Logan a lion and Colton got a sword.

Onto the gifts...Spencer gave Hunter a 5 dollar bill and some skittles. He was so excited for the money. Between this and money from his grandparents, he got 20.00$.

Hunter really wanted a watch, so he got one from mom and dad. He also really wanted his name put on his scriptures and a scripture case so he can take them to church easier.

Today we were at Primary Childrens bright and early at 8 am. Colton had a heart echo and we saw our very favorite cardiologist Dr. Everitt. Colton was pretty grumpy. He cried during the whole visit. I am pretty sure that he has learned that doctor's offices mean pain. It breaks my heart. But luckily, this was a pain free visit for him. We got him to settle a bit during blood pressures by blowing bubbles. The good news is that even with his elevated heart rate from the crying, his pressures were perfect and his echo shows a normal heart. He doesn't even have a heart murmur. And the best news, no hypertension. That means that cardiology is signing off on the oxygen. So now we just have to have an overnight sleep study and if that is fine, then we can be off oxygen for good!!!! I can't even imagine. So I need to make some arrangements and hopefully we can make some progress soon.

Little Loves...

2011-01-25T21:12:00.003-07:00

Have you ever just had one of those days. The kind where you just feel defeated. The fights are just too much. That was my day today. So I decided that the only thing I can post is those smaller moments. The ones that make days like these worth living. I have these days and I usually just don't post. I decided that it would be good for me to post today.

I love...

I sit down in the rocking chair to put Colton down for his nap. He knows what is happening and he know it is cuddle time. He immediately cuddles into my arms and smiles the biggest of smiles for me.

Logan shoveling the 3 inches of wet, heavy snow with me. With no gloves on.

The snowy, quiet hours when I can curl up on the couch under a blanket with my warm slippers on and read a book while my boys play together at my feet. And I don't worry about the dishes having to get done.

Colton playing with cars on the floor. He lays down and rolls them around. He gets so engrossed in it he even makes little noises while he plays.

Hunter is a Wolf and some hearing updates!

2011-01-21T19:42:00.003-07:00

I haven't felt very good today. I didn't sleep well last night and I have had a headache all day. It has been a quiet day which I have been grateful for. But we have had an eventful week.

Hunter will be 9 next week and thanks to some really great cub scout leaders, he earned his Wolf this week as well as 4 silver arrows and 1 gold arrow. I have to admit that I don't know much about the cub scout program. I don't even know how they earn beads. But I am sure that as the years go on I will become an expert just like I have on so many other things. Anyway, we are very proud of Hunters accomplishment and he was very excited to get it. He has worked so hard.

We took Colton to the audiologist this week. We haven' been there since the end of October. The results were encouraging. Colton was in the booth with Phil and I was talking on the microphone. When it was my voice, he seemed to react to it even as low as 35 decibels. With the normal tone it was around 50 DB. It means that he is learning to recognize the sounds that he is hearing often, like my voice. Most likely, it was also a really good hearing day. As Colton starts to learn what the sounds are around him, he can make the best of the hearing that he does have, when he has it. I know it is confusing, but because Colton hears sometimes and other times he doesn't it adds an extra element to a normal hearing loss. It is encouraging that he is learning how to use the hearing that he does have. We will be starting some new sound therapies soon and hopefully we will be successful and he will start making some meaningful sounds. The pics are from the waiting room. He was being very cute, like usual.

I think that we will Survive!

2011-01-16T21:59:00.003-07:00

Here are a list of all that things that despite the downsides and trials they bring, we will Survive.

- Chase's case of strep throat that hopefully he won't share with the rest of the family. We made a trip to the kids care today to get him on some medicine. Poor kid even missed a boys trip to the movies to see "Tron Legacy."

- Phil working until 10:00 everyday. I am hoping this will soon come to an end, but I am kind of getting used to having complete control of the remote control after the kids are in bed.

- Being a soccer mom. I feel like I am constantly taking kids somewhere. But it is worth it to see them so happy.

- The Patriots losing to the Jets. It may take few days for Phil to get over it though.

I am not putting Colton on this list at all as I am not sure that I will actually survive. The jury is still out on him

Phil's now 32 and we have 3 Teeth!

2011-01-09T21:17:00.002-07:00

Phil is another year older today. We let him sleep in a little bit and then we made breakfast. That is one nice thing about having 1:00 church. Colton hasn't been feeling great, so Phil and I traded off and kept him home today. I made Phil a cake while I was home and tonight Hunter made a "32" out of the candles and Phil blew out his torch. It was flaming pretty good. We played some games as a family and just had a quiet day. Happy Birthday Phil. We sure love you!

Also, BIG news. Colton has 3 teeth!!! (Did you hear that sigh of relief Dayna?) Probably one of the reasons he hasn't been feeling well. We totally didn't expect them. I was watching his bottom gums because they looked like they would sprout some teeth soon and I looked up one day and there were his 2 front teeth. One of his bottoms came the next day. I have been waiting for them to break through and I think they finally have. I hope to take a picture soon, but he really hates it when we try to see them. He gets pretty upset at me because I keep trying to see them because I am so EXCITED to finally see them.

We went this last Saturday to our first playgroup at the School for the Deaf. They brought some snow indoors and had shovels and buttons and buckets. They also had some colored water to spray. I expected there to be more people there, but we did meet some nice people and talked to several teachers at the school. It was a bit strange being there. I don't think that I have accepted that this will be a big part of my life yet. There were a couple of kids with implants and I talked to their mothers. We still haven't made the decision yet on what to do, but it was nice to get some opinions from others who have had to make this decision. We will go again next month to the playgroup and hopefully we will start to feel a little more comfortable.

11 years!! Oh My!!

2011-01-07T22:15:00.003-07:00

11 years ago today our family started. It is always interesting to reflect and see where we are now. 4 wonderful, crazy boys, 2 cars, a mortgage, piles of bills, a masters degree and a career. We have been very blessed over the last 11 years. My sweet husband has been working long hours this week. We have barely seen each other. He surprised me by getting a babysitter and taking me out tonight. We went to Outback Steakhouse and surprise, surprise, Phil got the most expensive thing on the menu this time. I guess things really do change! Then we went bowling where we tied at 110. Phil couldn't believe that I almost beat him! But I will settle for the tie. Kind of poetic. Being equals and all that. I am grateful for Phil. For his dedication to his job, family and the gospel. He strengthens me and supports me. Being through what we have been through these past few years could have really reeked havoc on our marriage, but instead I find myself closer to him than ever. Thank you, my love, for 11 wonderful years!

A little update from this week. We started out with Neonatal Followup on Monday. The best news is that Colton's cognitive development has improved 8 months since we were there 7 months ago. The therapist there was very surprised and thrilled to see him problem solving and doing so much. He feels pretty confident that Colton has no permanent affects from the brain bleeds that he had at birth. We always felt that he was fine, but it nice to have someone else tell us that. We are still super close to walking and his therapist says that at this point it is more of a neuro thing. We are just waiting for his brain to say that he is ready. It will happen soon on his own timetable, just like everything else!

Happy New Year!!

2011-01-01T22:36:00.003-07:00

Just wanted to take some time to say Happy New Year to all our friends and family. And thanks for all the birthday wishes. We have 2 birthdays coming up in our family this month so keep them coming. We love to hear from all of you.

The Best Christmas Ever!!

2010-12-28T22:40:00.011-07:00

After a couple of frowns and tears on Christmas Eve, I was excited to hear these words come our of our kids mouths, "This is the best Christmas Ever!" The kids were up bright and early at 6:30. They were giggling and laughing. They knew that they couldn't get up until 7, so they stayed put, but I had to go and have them quiet down. At exactly 7:00 they were out and bouncing off the walls. After a small debate, Phil woke up Colton anyway and the kids waited impatiently on the stairs. Then we got to see what Santa brought and what was in all those presents under the tree...
You think he likes it??? Hunter got a KNex roller coaster, a scooter (because Mom ran over his old one), a paperjams drum, a little lego set, a sled from Grandma Weaver, and some dinosaur puzzles from Grandma Rosbach. From his cousin he got a game called "Rightous."He spent several hours building the roller coaster with dad and rocking out to his

Chase got a Fire Breathing Toothless Dragon, Dragonoid Colossus Bakugon, a Bakumeter, a wallet, a watch, A big Bakugan from Grandma Weaver and a Sand Art Kit from Grandma Rosbach. He also got "Book of Mormon" Guess Who game from his cousin. He said, "I wanted Toothless and I wanted Dragonoid Colossus, but I didn't think I would get them both!"

Logan got a bakugon, a Leapster, and dragons and more dragons. He got a Fire Breathing Toothless just like Chase (to avoid some fights I hope!) and he got a bone napper and a monstrous nightmare. If you don't know what these are, watch "How to Train Your Dragon." He got some color wonder books and a doctor kit from his cousin Cortney. He got a pillow pet from Grandma Weaver and a book of truck puzzles from Grandma Rosbach.

Colton got lots of toys. He got a cookie monster book, a piggy bank, a tool bench, some Trio blocks, a cute outfit from his cousin Linzi, a Little People house boat from Grandma Weaver and a great Pig book from Grandma Rosbach. His new PJs from the night before had a Bear on the backside, so our joke all day was about Colton's "bearbutt!"

Grandma Rosbach also make some cute aprons for everyone that the kids can wear when we make cookies. And we got the "How to Train your Dragon" Wii game where we get to catch Dragons and fight them. It is a lot of fun and has occupied our time these last few days. I have loved watching the kids playing together. Yesterday my 3 big boys took Hunters new sled up to the school and had a great time. I'm sure the Christmas glow will wear off soon and there will be more fighting, so I am going to enjoy it while I can.

Christmas Eve!

2010-12-28T22:24:00.003-07:00

On Christmas Eve we took the kids the the Children's Museum. We have never been to the new location. The kids had a great time. It was a great time. And as a bonus, we got to sit on Santa's lap just before he was taking off to get started delivering presents. He told us some funny jokes.

We started a new tradition this year. Family Game night. We got to open a new game and we played it before bed. We introduced the kids to Jenga. We had a great time playing.

And we still have our tradition of new pj's.

Our Christmas Card- 2010

2010-12-15T10:48:00.009-07:00

So I am not very good about sending out Christmas cards. I never have been. I just don't think ahead. By the time I think about it, it is too late to get them ordered and all out. So I decided to post one here. It will actually reach more of you than if I actually sent them out this year.

2010 has been a very memorable year for us. The jury is still out on if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I guess I should be grateful for it all, but finding out that my son is deaf is not on my list of favorite things. I would have gladly skipped that. But there were some very good things that happened this year as well. Some of our highlights were our trips to St. George, Colorado Springs, and recently Cape Cod, MA. Phil's triathlons were another highlight. The kids also had many shining moments, like Hunter's baptism and broken arm, Chase's climbing to the ceiling in gymnastics, Logan finally starting preschool, and Colton's, well just about everything! Crawling, moving, playing, living.
Speaking of Colton, lets update on him first. We have had some very exciting things happen just in the past few weeks. Colton is 19 months old today. He has started eating some finger foods. Being a preemie comes with a lot of challenges. One that most people don't thing about is the aversions that these babies develop from being handled before their sensory systems are ready. Lots of babies end up with some pretty bad aversions to touch and texture. Colton has some oral aversions and eating has been an issue for him. It has taken a few months of therapy to get him ready to put harder things in his mouth. Now he will pick up small pieces of graham crackers or cereal bars and eat them. YAY! Huge step. I can actually put him in his high chair while I work in the kitchen and he will do what normal babies will do. It is great. He has also figured out how to go up the stairs. This is another gross motor step that is getting him ready to walk. It won't be long now. We are still working on down stairs. That is a little harder. He also started to clap and copy what others are doing with their hands. Hopefully we will start seeing signs from him now that he is figuring out how to move his hands. He understands several signs. He knows "Daddy" and "Mommy." He also knows "dance, eat, drink, and milk." I think he knows "Bath" too. We are excited to see him progress and his personality is really coming out. He is a very fun loving little boy. He especially loves his brothers and his whole face lights up when they get home from school and start playing with him. He already plays with cars and trains and pushes them all over the floor. And now that he can go up the stairs, he has started getting into mischief in his brothers rooms and the bathroom. He is adjusting more to his hearing aids and seems to respond to some sounds, but I don't think they are helping him much. We still haven't decided about the implant yet, although we are leaning towards it now. He has also slept several nights without oxygen and has kept his sats up. It won't be long until we are done with that. It is so nice to reach these milestones. We have worked so hard to get here. And we will keep the work going so that he can continue to be a happy and healthy little boy.

Logan has grown up so much this year. He is turning into a little boy. He is so much fun and so funny. He makes me laugh everyday. And I get comments weekly from other people who see him or know him about how he makes their day. What a gift he has. Growing up means that he has started having a little attitude sometimes. I guess it was inevitable with 2 older brothers. He also fights with his brothers and stands up for himself a bit, but he is the first to forgive and will willing share everything that he has with them. He loves preschool and asks me every week when he will start kindergarten and go the big school with his brothers. He is working on some sight words and will read them when we read. He is anxious to move on and be able to do all the things that his big brothers can do. It is sometimes a hard balance to keep him littler and doing things appropriate for him when we have bigger boys in the house who do other things that he wants to do. He is very loving and will come and give me hugs throughout the day. He is also a big helper and loves to help with whatever project we have going on around the house. He has picked up sign language the fastest and know lots of signs. It is very cute when he decides to use them. I know that Logan will accomplish so much and it is fun to see him start to develop who he is.

Chase has changed the most this past year. He is preparing to turn 8 this next year and be baptized and go into cub scouts. He is becoming more confident in who he is. He has improved in just about everything. He is an exceptional student and also very social and friendly with everyone in his class. He has a lot of friends because he is so easy going and gets along with just about anyone. He is still a bit more shy than his brothers, but he has come out of his shell so much more this past year. He is my nurturer. He will take care of Colton more than anyone else. He also plays with Logan and tries to include him more often. He is very soft hearted and can sense when Mom is having a bad day. He will try to make it right when he can. But he also has quite the stubborn streak and is the hardest to negotiate with. When he decides to be in a bad mood, there is not much we can do to talk him out of it. He is excelling at gymnastics and has been asked to move up to the pre-team level. It means that he will practice 4 hours a week instead of 2. He really wants to continue so we will see how it works out in the new year. I am excited for Chase to reach this big milestone this next year and continue to know who he is and see his personality keep coming out. How lucky we are to have Chase in our family!

Hunter is 8 going on 21. He has a logic and whit that are far beyond his age, but still manages to stress Phil and I out. He is super smart and loves to please his teachers and others around him. He has loved being in Cub Scouts and is working hard to finish up and get his wolf in the next few weeks. He is pretty sure that he knows everything and doesn't hesitate to let us know. He takes responsibility very seriously and as a mother, it is great to see that he is learning there are rewards to working hard. He has always been good at math, but this year has developed an interest in science as well. He has learned a lot about how things work around him. He is also very artistic and entered a drawing in Reflections this year that won him a ribbon. He also sings in the Creekside Choir. He started Karate this year and has loved it. He is getting ready to test for his yellow belt. Hunter can be frustrating at times because, as the oldest, he thinks that he should always be first. He should always have the remote or computer, and he doesn't need to share. So he is now sharing a room with Logan. It was rocky at first, but he is learning more and more how to work with someone who doesn't think the same way that he does. Which is funny, because he and Logan are so much alike. Someday he will realize that!

Phil is the luckiest man alive because not only does he have me for a wife, but he got to go to 2 football games this year!! We had a great time in New England at the Patriots game and a few weeks ago he had the opportunity to go with some guys from work to the SEC Championship in Atlanta. He continues to work hard to provide his family with everything that we need. He participated in 2 triathlons this year and his goal is to do more next year. Unfortunately, he hasn't trained much since life got nuts with Colton. So he is going to be training again soon. He is a great father and has enjoyed taking the boys to "Bees" and "Blaze" games this last year. I often wonder why I was so blessed to have him for a husband and father for my children. I couldn't have asked for better.

As a mother of 4 boys, I am often tired at the end of the day. And I admit that sometimes I have to have a nighttime fix of ice cream after the 4 boys are finally in bed to help me deal with the day. But I love my job. I love to watch my boys laugh and play with each other. And I love to see them do well and excel. I have learned a lot of sign language and I am working on getting the ASL sentence structure down. It is still very frustrating and overwhelming to me so I know I don't sign as often as I should. I have learned to become more organized and keep all the busy lives that our in our household running as smoothly as possible. And then of course, there is the ice cream when things don't work out so well!! I don't know why Heavenly Father has chosen me to raise these 4 crazy, special boys, but I take my job very seriously and I am trying my best to help them be as happy and healthy as they can be.

We wish you all Merry Christmas and again thank you all for your love, support and prayers. Lets hope that 2011 will be a little less eventful for our family.

December is Here!

2010-12-02T13:57:00.004-07:00

I just got used to writing 2010 and soon I will have to start writing 2011. It is crazy how fast the time has gone. Here are a few pics from the last few days. This one of Colton was just too cute and I had to post it and show off my handsome boy. Isn't he just the cutest. He was all dressed up for church. It has been fun to start dressing him up as a little boy and not just a baby.
After we all stopped being sick (ugg!) we set up the Christmas tree. This added with all the snow and it really does feel like Christmas!

Logan and I were dancing and Logan stopped to pose for the camera. He just cracks me up!

Colton started crawling under the tree. I was really surprised that he would touch it. I thought that the texture would really turn him off. But he was following Phil and crawling all around.

Last night Hunter sang with his choir at the "Festival of Trees" They did a good job. Hunter looked very grumpy up there though. We told him after that he didn't smile and he said he was concentrating to much on not getting blinded by the bright lights.

We stayed for a while with my brother Richard and his wife Kathy and saw some of the beautiful trees, but it turned out being way more emotional for me than I thought it would. Seeing those pictures of all those kids who have passed away was really hard. Some of them looked so familiar to me with their tubes and wires and small hands. It was hard to see the reminder that some of those precious angels don't survive like mine did. And it makes me grateful for all the care and love that we have received over the past few years. I wish our road was short, but it isn't. It is long and it is bumpy and we are still going. But I am grateful because my angels survived. And my heart goes out to all those parents whose angels didn't.

Family Pictures

2010-11-24T21:25:00.008-07:00

We had our family pictures taken by a friend of ours. We thought they turned out great. Check out her website if you are interesed. She was fantastic! http://winsorphotography.com/

November

2010-11-24T17:34:00.006-07:00

So I realize that the whole month of November has almost passed by and I have only blogged once. Not great since I am using this as a journal for my life. Here are a few updates on each of our family members:

Hunter continues to do well in karate and school. Since he got his cast off he has been trying to catch up on his defenses so he can test for the yellow belt. Unfortunately he wasn't able to test this month. He has decided to work extra hard so he can test next time. 3rd grade has certainly kept us on our toes with lots of projects and tests. He just finished his Ute unit where he made a drum and learned lots about the native Americans. He has a book report due next week so we have even more work to do. He just finished playing the part of "the Farmer" is a little play in school. He borrowed suspenders from his Grandpa and remembered his lines no problem.

Chase still likes school. His test scores have placed him at a 3rd grade level in math, which is fantastic. He is also reading really well now and will sit and read everyday because, get this, he likes to. He is still doing well in gymnastics and is still a Bakugon fanatic. He is quite the social bug and is always playing with friends. There hasn't been much new with Chase this month. The same old thing.

Logan loves preschool. He doesn't understand why he doesn't go to school everyday and why he doesn't take a lunch in his lunch box. He is ready to move on. I talked to his teacher and she said that he tells her some pretty great stories. He is finally starting to understand when it is okay to tell them in class though. I was not surprised at all, but I am glad that he is starting to learn when NOT to talk.

Colton has had a good month. He isn't gaining weight very fast, but he is progressing in his development. He is cruising all over, and I know that he is starting to really understand some signs. The doctor wants us to get an x-ray of his hip because it is popping a little bit which could mean that he has some instability. I haven't taken him yet to get the x-ray and I am not very excited about the possibility of yet another specialist that we might have to see, but we do what we have to. I will probably take him in after the holiday. Our Deaf Mentor came to visit and it was very overwhelming. We had interpreters here so she talked very fast. She assures me that she will slow down when it is just us. I realize that I don't know that much conversational signing, so I am still pretty scared about the idea. She will start coming weekly on Dec. 2. I have a few more weeks to fret and stress myself out before it really starts.

Phil and I left the kids with my mom this past weekend and flew to New England. We stayed with Phil's brother Mark and his wife Tammy in Cape Cod. We went to Boston and walked some of the "Freedom Trail." We saw the Old North Church and Paul Reveres house. We went into Little Italy and had an amazing Italian dinner. We toured Cape Cod and enjoyed the beautiful sights. And of course, we saw the Patriots beat the Colts in Gillette Stadium. What an experience that was. It was a really fantastic trip. One that was much needed. Thanks to my mom for keeping my kids, my dad for being a widower for 5 days, to Mark and Tammy for letting us stay in your beautiful house and treating us so well, to Mary for letting us steal her room and to Elizabeth for sharing her bed with Mary. We really couldn't ask for better family.

Here we are standing on the coast of Cape Cod. That island behind us is Martha's Vineyard. it was pretty windy and the waves on the rocks were beautiful.

At the stadium, we had no one behind us. We were happy because it was so COLD and this gave us some shelter. Of course Phil also enjoyed banging against the wall whenever Payton manning was running a play.
Another shot of the coast. The pictures don't do it justice, it is really beautiful.

In the parking lot before the game. Seeing all the tailgaters was a treat. They had BBQs and generators to run their TV's so they could watch the pregame. No joke, TV's!

This is Nobska Lighthouse on the Cape. Really cool.

To Implant, or not to Implant? That is the question...

2010-11-04T13:58:00.004-06:00

So I know that I have been a slacker at posting. Frankly, I haven't really been in the mood. I have been spending the last little while in my own pity party land about having a deaf son. Trying to make a decision about what is best for him. I hate that I have to make this kind of decision. And I hate that both of my options have life changing consequences. I think it is just starting to really hit me how life changing this is. It is so easy to ignore or pretend that he isn't deaf when he is a baby. And he is progressing so much in so many other areas, I don't want to think about the things that we can't fix.

Before all you wonderful friends start to worry about me sinking into some deep dark place, don't worry. I don't go there often. The majority of my day is happy and fun. Colton is really changing and growing. His little personality is starting to come out and I really love him. But there is always this big huge monster hanging just off my shoulder that is telling me that I can't ignore it much longer. I can't keep skirting the line of having a normal baby. Sooner or later I am going to have to commit to something. And it is scary when I don't know what the best thing to do is.

Implant: So if we implant our son, there are a few things to take into consideration. The first thing is the obvious I think. Major surgery to implant an electrical device into my son's head. Something that could help him hear, maybe. That can help him learn to speak, maybe. That can help him to recognize sounds and where they come from, maybe. And there are a lot more maybes. There is also a lot of risk. Remember, it is an electrical device. One that can blow out with static electricity from going down a slide at the playground. Or from getting hit in the head with a soccer ball. I know that there is a lot of hype about this implant now. There are amazing success stories. But it doesn't always work. And we are looking at YEARS of therapy afterwards. The other thing is the cost. I don't want this to be a thing, because we want to do what is best for Colton, no matter what it costs. But this is a very expensive thing. And the money issue is real. Our insurance doesn't cover as much as we thought it would, and that leaves multiple tens of thousands of dollars that is our out of pocket responsibility. (See what I mean by life changing?)

NO Implant: We have decided to sign with Colton, so we could not implant. It is a scary thing for me to have our deaf mentor coming to our home for the first time next week to meet with me. She will be helping me learn a whole new language. I do know quite a bit already. Signs anyway. But ASL has a whole different word order structure. I have never been good at languages. I am scared to do this. But I am doing it. I have to believe that I can. And then I have to teach it to my sons. That is even scarier. I already have so much to teach them. Our therapist says that it helps to have silent dinners or hours. Times of the day when we only sign and don't talk. Have you met my kids? I can't imagine having silent dinners or hours, or even minutes. I think it will be good for us, to learn a new language. But it seems so daunting to me. We aren't just learning it for fun, or for a mission. We are learning it so that we can communicate and have a relationship with Colton. What if I can't do it? What if I can't teach it to him? What if we can't change? And if we don't implant, he will never be able to hear. Are we horrible parents for not giving our son that opportunity?

Regardless of the implant or no, Colton will be going to school when he turns 3. I will probably put him on a bus at 7:30 in the morning and send him to the deaf and blind school and he will be gone all day. It is what is best for him, but I have never sent my kids away that young. It is a whole new way of thinking. A whole new way of living. (See what I mean by life changing?)

Now again, dear friends, don't think that I don't see how blessed I am. My child is alive. He is cute and smiles and walks across furniture. He laughs and plays and loves chocolate milk. He is 1 of the 6 most precious things to me. But it is hard. Making these decisions is hard. Trying to constantly do what is best for everyone is hard. And my time for pretending is ending. I have to change. I have to decide. And I don't want to. I am not ready. It is scary. I am full of self doubt and fear. What is best for Colton? And what if we don't make the right decision?

Fall Fun!

2010-10-22T21:06:00.008-06:00

It seems that the days just fly by. I can't believe that it is almost Halloween and I am getting my kids to make up Christmas lists already. Time really does go faster as we get older. Maybe it is just that we are busier, or maybe it is watching our kids grow up.

Here is Colton, showing off that he can stand up all on his own now. He is fully crawling and cruising around furniture. It was like something clicked in his brain and he decided that he was tired of sitting there and watching. So he started doing it all.

Here are some soccer pics from the boys last soccer game of the fall. We will pick up again in the Spring. I love watching the boys play, but I am grateful for the little break. The more kids in sports, the harder it is to juggle.

This is my idea of fun. Watching my boys clean the bathroom!

We went down to the corn maze at Thanksgiving Point. We enjoyed having our cousins Daniella, Samantha, Linzi and Zach with us, as well as my sister Sharon. We had a fun time in the maze even though we got lost and cheated to get out of the maze.

And of course I really wanted to ride the cow train, so I used Colton as my ticket!

And for our funnest day of all, Hunter got his cast off!!

Boys, boys and more BOYS!

2010-10-06T13:47:00.009-06:00

I thought it was time for a little update on all of my boys. I keep this blog as a journal to help me remember everything that is going on as well and keeping all our friends and family updated. I was writing in Coltons baby book yesterday and I thought that I don't document the older boys as often as I should, now that they aren't babies anymore. So here is my chance to right that wrong.

Hunter is 8 years old. He is in 3rd grade. He is doing a lot science in school and finds that he loves it. He is very smart and has a very good memory. He comes home and will tell me what he learns at school. He recently learned all that there is to know about snails. But he doesn't like when I tell him that he moves slower than a snail. Which is true. Especially when he is doing something that I ask him to do.

Hunter loves to read and is currently on book 3 of the "Fablehaven" series. But he reminds me daily that he is a "night reader." Meaning that he likes to stay up after bedtime and read. He also loves playing video games and WII. He started Karate at the end of this summer and has already belt tested and now has a yellow stripe. He loves playing soccer and has gotten very good and more aggressive at it. His team this year has only lost one game. Hunter broke his arm this summer and it hasn't slowed him down at all. We have to cover it for soccer just in case he gets the urge to use it to knock someone down (which he hasn't). He has so many friends and his cast is covered with signatures. His best friend is Matt, who lives in the circle across the street from us. Together they ride scooters and bikes. He does have a little crush on a girl in school named Ellie. And is so good natured about it that he doesn't even mind that his brother Chase has a crush on her too.

Hunter is now sharing a room with Logan in an effort to help them get along a little better. I love to hear them playing school together where Hunter is "Mr. Rosbach" and he has helped Logan with some of his sight words. He is a great big brother and very helpful when he chooses to be. He has a very good sense of humor and loves to make little jokes.

Hunter took swimming lessons this summer and we discovered that he has a talent for it. He had 2 weeks at level one and his teacher has skipped him to level 3. Much to his daddy's dismay, he decided not to pursue it just yet. Maybe in the future. I have a feeling that Hunter will accomplish many great things.

Both Chase and Hunter have the same color uniform. Chase's team is the Tigers and Hunter's is the Orange Flames. Chase is 7 years old. He is in 2nd grade. Chase had a little wrench thrown at him at the beginning of the school year. He got put in a new class with a new teacher just 3 days before school started. He didn't complain one bit. He is so easy going. He is doing so well in his class and his reading and math have improved so much. I think that he has inherited his dad's talent for numbers. We established in an earlier post that Chase really loves school!

Chase is very social. He gets along so well with just about everyone. He is very smart and very quick witted. He told me that at school a boy offered him 3 dollars for his zinger at lunch. Chase counter offered with 10 dollars. Then 6 when the boy didn't have 10. Really he just wanted to eat it. He is very funny when he tells his stories too.

Chase is very passionate about Bakugon right now. He is always trying to earn money so that he can buy more of them. Then he takes them to his friends and trades them. He is playing soccer right now and is one of the best players on the team. He is so fun to watch because he is very fast and small and he moves everywhere on the field. If I could bottle up his energy and sell it, I would be rich.

Chase has a soft spot for his brothers. He often will talk to Colton and play with him. He has the patience to figure out the best way to play with Logan so there isn't any fighting. He has learned that if he "races" he can get Logan to do just about anything.

Chase has started taking gymnastics this past August. He is lightweight and isn't afraid to jump and flip. His teachers are very impressed with him and said that he has a lot of talent for it. Chase can even climb the rope to the top of the building. He can do up to 10 pull ups and can do flips. He really enjoys it. He also loves play the WII. But loves playing with friends the most. His best friend Hunter moved to Texas this last summer, but Chase has made a new friend in his class. His name is Brandon. Chase is teaching Brandon all about Bakugon.

Hunter moving in with Logan means that Chase has his own room in the basement. He likes it, but doesn't do more then sleep there. He sometimes suffers from "middle child syndrome" and he feels like his brothers get things that he doesn't. So he is just excited to have his own room. He is sometimes very easy to please, but is also very stubborn. When he sets his mind to something, he throws some great tantrums. It can be frustrating, but I see the passion and stubbornness as some of his best qualities. It means that one day, he will be a force to be reckoned with and will do great things in this world.

Logan is my ball of personality. He is 5 and just started preschool. He loves it. Today he got to celebrate his "unbirthday" and take treats and be the special helper. He was so excited. He comes home singing songs and telling stories. He surprises me often by doing sign language that I didn't realize that he had picked up. He went to a friends house one day and taught them the sign for "grandpa" when his grandpa showed up.

Logan has no concept of stranger danger and is hard to keep track of sometimes. He is also very social. He has disappeared and I have had to go house to house before he emerges. He is not afraid to walk into peoples houses and make himself at home. Of course they don't mind because seriously, who can resist that smile!! He also gets things because he isn't shy. Yesterday at Sam's Club we pulled into the parking lot and parked 2 cars away from a Highway patrolman. He was finished with his shopping and was putting his stuff in the trunk. Logan walked up to him and asked to see the lights. He told him to wait a minute and when he put his son in the back seat, he let Logan climb onto the drivers seat and honk the horns, turn on the siren and the lights. I have lots of stories where he asks people in the store for things. He just isn't afraid.

Logan has decided that he is old enough to take care of Colton. He picks him up and carries him to his toys, he will bring things to him and he has figured out the best ways to make him smile. It is so fun to watch him interact with him.

Logan is now sleeping in the top bunk of the bunk bed. He has figured out the things that annoy his brothers the most and loves to play the role of annoying pest sometimes. But as he grows, he just really wants to be included. It is sometimes hard for him to be so small in stature. He is left out of things because his brothers still think of him as a baby. So we have had to work on this. Logan is starting to want to play WII with his brothers and learning the games. It has sometimes been a challenge.

It is fun to see how Logan is growing and changing. And I love how expressive he is. He makes me laugh everyday.

Colton continues to be an inspiration to me everyday. It is fun to watch his personality come out as he explores the world around him. I have found him stuck in some of the oddest places. He likes to squeeze into any little space that he can. He is so watchful and observant. He is figuring out how things move and how to get what he needs.

Colton is all over the place now. He loves to be in the kitchen. I think because I am there a lot. He has this thing with the pantry door. As soon as he sees it open, he will make a beeline for it. He can move across the floor very fast. Then he uses his whole body to open it and push it back and forth until he gets it closed and the fun is over. He will twist and turn in circles. It is really fun to watch. I have to watch carefully so we don't pinch any fingers.

Colton also loves to stand. He can't pull himself up yet, but he will walk around things an stand for a long time playing. Now that he has discovered that he can move and play, he is progressing so much faster. It is a relief to see him moving and getting into mischief.

Feeding is still a challenge and he hasn't moved onto finger foods yet. He still doesn't care for the hearing aids and they don't stay on very long. He is a lot more vocal though and has started making some more sounds. He loves bath time and I find that I get pretty soaked when we have baths. It is one of the activities that I look forward to because he is so happy. We have discovered that he also LOVES ice cream. I look forward to many more discoveries with my little man.